your smile, i missed it - ShinKami

Chapter 4

"Just stop it, everything is fine!" I hate these words. Everything is fine. They are never true, they are a lie. A sad one. A lie my brother used, too many times... Maybe they were his last words, I don't know. The only thing I know is that people say these words when they are really close from breaking and I hate that. When I hear these words I can't move, it's like something inside me is suffering. I hate that feeling, it makes me feel weak. At this moment I just want to be alone, what's weird because I hate loneliness. Shinso looks confused. Normally I would ask for the reason but I'm not feeling like that. I decided to go to bed. With the warm blanket around my body I felt safe like when my mother used to hold me in my sleepless nights. She and my brother were the only person who loved me but now she's gone and not coming back. She died nine years ago in a car crash, at this time life started to get worse. I got bullied in school for not having  parents anymore, my brother Yuichiro killed himself in front of my eyes, everything was taken from me. I realized that the world isn't a fairytale with rainbows and unicorns like little six year old me thought. All of a sudden I started to cry, warm tears streamed down my face and my body was shaking. "Kaminari are you alright?" Shinso sounded worried I looked up and responded a little bit to harsh, "Do I look like?! Tell me! Do I look like it is, like life is perfect! But it isn't and I'm sick, sick of this world, these people and of pretending that everything is perfectly fine! But I don't want to! I just want to crie sometimes! I want to be loved for how I am, I don't want to be a person I'm not! Everyone says that they love you for the way you are, that's a lie! They don't! They love you if you are like they want you to be! Nothing is ever good enough, I'm sick of-" Without any warning Shinso pulled me into a tight hug. My heart felt like it would explode, in a good way but I wasn't sure if this was good. I can't be gay, I'll get bullied even more if I am but why does it feel so good. As I calmed down and my tears stopped running down my face he let go. "Well I hope you'll find the one for you. And please try to get some sleep, you look horrible" I started to giggle Shinso looked at me with a confused smile. "Have you ever looked in the mirror? You look like L!" "I'm sorry but who is L" he asked shyly "Wait! You don't know who L is! Death Note?" he shocked his head "Nothing, really?" the boy with purple hair nodded "My son this is going to be a long night and you're staying here until you can tell the whole story in your sleep! Understood?" he looked at me with fear in his eyes 'you should be happy that you're still alive! Not knowing Death Note. How's that even possible'  I thought to myself  " Hello Kaminari is everything okay? You look kinda creepy" "Hmm? Oh yeah let's start watching Death Note, okay?" I felt my cheeks blush as I walked to the TV 'Ican'tIcan'tIcan't... Shit I can. I can fall in love with a guy. Why does he have to be so good looking? Why do I have to fall in love with someone like him, with these preety eyes you can easily get lost in and this cute messy hair and everything! Why does he have to be so I don't know. Perfect. But I know that a person like him would fall in love with someone like me. All I can do is trying to be his friend. And I promise to protect him with my life-' "Kami?" the boy's smoothy voice interrupted my thoughts "Ah, yes?!" ' Wait what? Did he even just call me Kami!' "Thank you" I hadn't expected something like that after I screamed at him so I asked him for the reason and his answer made me sad:"I'm just not used to people being nice to me without using my quirk. I never had a real friend before so I am thankful for what you did" He just sees me as a friend he looked at me with his indigo eyes and I started to blush lightly as he said "Thank you so much for caring about me" I felt his head on my shoulder and looked at him. The boy looked so peacefully with his closed eyes and a cute little smile on his lips. Damn. I'm really falling in love with a guy. Carefully I laid him down, put the blanket on his sleeping body and kissed his forehead. "Good night" I whispered in his ear with a happy smile, it was good to see him asleep. I was afraid that he would never sleep because of his eyebags. After ten minutes I fell asleep and dreamed about how it would be to be in a relationship with the boy I just met yesterday. I woke up at 11 am and looked around the room searching for Shinso. As I saw him I smiled at him, why is he so fucking hot but also cute at the same time. I get over to him with a goofy smile and said "Good morning sunshine!" "Don't call me that again!" Shinso hissed, he was back at his normal mood, what makes me a little sad. He was just so adorable last night. I wish he could be like this again.