See You Bleed | ✓

XIII

4 years ago

I leave the apartment three times a week. If it was in my power, I probably wouldn't leave my room at all.

I barely sleep at night, but I sleep a lot during the day. Sleep doesn't help if it's your soul that's tired.

I barely even take a shower when I'm not forced to go outside. I stopped cooking food for myself.

The very thought of getting up and doing anything makes me want to curl up and cry.

I stopped reading books. I order food, lay on my bed and watch Netflix for hours. Charming.

I don't remember the last time I had a decent conversation with anyone. I avoid friends and family like a plague. I took a break from the university for a year.

I don't know what I'm feeling but there's a lot of it. I just want to be left alone. I just need some fucking peace.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I'm waiting. What for? I wish I knew.

We all wait for something to happen and release us from our daily routine.

We wait for weekends, summer holidays, new years, birthdays, and we completely ignore all the regular Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays.

We waste all our lives waiting for something special to happen. We hope that when we finally get what we've been waiting for, then it will pay off all the precious time we've wasted in the meantime. But the truth is, nothing can ever bring back the wasted time.

Either way, it's fucking killing me to live in the perpetual state of waiting.

I just want this torture to end.