Olivia's Crazy Life - An SVU parody fic

The plot thickens

CATCHING UP

It's been three months since Dickie and Olivia broke up and Elliot moved in. A lot has happened during that time. Little Kathy's real father surfaced – Peggy remembered that when she was working as an escort 4 years ago, some old black guy paid her extra to not use a condom and she agreed. She tracked him down, thinking she would get a payoff and demanded a paternity test. It came back positive and her plan backfired on her. Bayard Ellis was awarded sole custody of Kat but he allows Olivia to see her whenever she wants, secretly hoping that they'll bond over her and eventually end up together.

Lila rejected Dickie. She told him that she was a cop just having some fun and that she never should have led him on. She transferred from Vice and is now a Detective at the 1-6. Olivia still has no idea that she's that Lila!

Dickie joined the Army after Lila rejected him. With a crappy job and nowhere to go, he decided that the military was his best option so he quit Felipe's and enlisted.

Dani bought a membership to a tanning salon. After convincing her to dye and cut her hair like Olivia's, Dean told her how awesome it would be if she got a little color to her skin as well. Wanting to please her husband, she began tanning twice a week so that she could look like a bronze goddess year round.

Elliot and Olivia are blissfully happy. They got married as soon as the annulment went through and Olivia just found out that she's pregnant. But of course, the chaos never stops…

***

On an uneventful Thursday afternoon where they both had the day off, Olivia and Rafael Barba-Cragen were having a late lunch at their favorite little bistro, Bananatrama, after having spent the day shopping.

"GIRL!" Barba began. "Tell me you've heard the tea!"

"About Cassidy and Fin?" Olivia asked

"And the horse…"

"Yes! Then the flare gun…"

"Girl, cheesecake has forever been ruined for me! But no, I'm talking about Dani!"

"My Dani?"

"Is there another?"

"Do I wanna hear this?" she asked. She was never sure what would come out of Rafael's mouth.

"Do you NOT wanna hear it?" Olivia hated to participate in gossip but she could never resist when Rafael was the one dishing. He knew everybody's business!

"Spill!" she demanded, wondering what juicy tidbit she'd be treated to today.

"Girl, she bought herself a booty!" he said before dramatically sipping on his Cosmopolitan and giggling.

"What? No!"

"Yes!"

"I would know!"

"Obviously you didn't!"

"How is that even possible? El and I have been taking care of Olivia for her and Dean while they're out of town on FBI business."

"Fake booty initiative!" Olivia couldn't help but burst into laughter.

"Raf, stop!" she said trying to contain herself. "I will prove to you that this is not true, watch!" she continued as she picked up her phone.

"What are you doing?"

"Skyping Dani." She told him as she completed the call. It was seconds before Dani answered on her end. Her dark hair and skin a striking contrast against her blue eyes.

"Liv! Hey, what's up? Everything ok?" Dani asked.

"Yeah. I just… ok, I gotta ask you something and I feel kind of stupid because I know that it's not true, I mean, you would have told me." Dani bit her bottom lip as a smile crept on her face.