From the Books I'll Never Write

• 7 •

"Hello?"

The groggy, masculine voice momentarily distracted Lily from her impending emotional breakdown. This wasn't Hyunae. Did she suddenly have a boyfriend that Lily didn't know about? She quickly grabbed her phone to make sure she had called the right person.

"Jin?" Her strangled voice sounded foreign to her. Her heartbeat drummed in her ears. She hadn't meant to call him.

"Lily, are you ok?" He sounded worried.

Lily took a shaky breath before answering. "I'm sorry. I meant to call Hyunae, and your name is after hers in my contact list, I'm so sorry I woke you up!" Her voice broke down into a sob before she could finish her sentence.

Jin sat up in bed. He was wide awake almost instantly. "What's wrong, Lily?" She only sobbed harder. "Are you safe? Please talk to me."

She sniffed and took several more deep breaths. "I don't want to be alone. Can I please come there? Please? I promise I won't get in the way. I'll sleep on the couch. I just can't be alone right now." She spoke so quickly, trying to get her thoughts out before she lost her voice again.

"It's not safe for you to travel this late." Jin said while looking at the clock. It was after 1am. Lily felt her heart sink and the lump in her throat became harder to swallow. Why would she even ask that question anyway?

"I'm sorry, Jin-"

"I'll come to you." He said quietly. "If that's ok."

She momentarily stopped crying. He would come to her? Somehow her lips managed to lift into a small smile.

"Please?" She whispered.

_______

Lily walked with unsteady steps into her living room and sat gingerly onto her couch. From the corner of her eye she saw the navy blue of the folded flag, still nestled safely in its display case. Her eyes glazed over as she stared at it, it's five visible stars burned into her memory.

She turned away from it and looked at the couch across the room. He was still there...

The paramedics had just arrived to take him away. He still looked the same. He looked like he was sleeping, just like he was what felt like only minutes ago. He said he was tired and wanted to nap for a while. They handled him gently, three of them transferring his body to the gurney.

Lily lost all feeling in her legs and slowly sank to the floor. Time slowed as the medics lifted the gurney higher, then draped a white sheet over him. Her ears were ringing, she felt her chest heaving rapidly. This isn't happening... She turned her head and said the only thing her mouth and strangled voice could produce.

"Mom?"

*ping*

Lily jumped at the sound of her phone. With an unsteady hand she picked it up, the screen illuminating the dim room.

New message
Jin: I'm on my way. Hold on for 15 minutes, ok?

She texted back 'ok', and turned back to the neatly folded flag, still nestled safely in its case. She swallowed the lump in her throat again and reached for it, willing her hands to stop shaking. She didn't want to break the memorial. The solid wood box was always heavier than she remembered whenever she held it. She turned it over and began to open the metal sliders holding the backing in place. A moment later and the heavy, embroidered flag was in her hands once more.

_______

"The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life. The second fold symbolizes our belief in eternal life."