Professor Jackson: Chapter 4

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The kiss lingers on for some time. Strangely it feels really good, I like the way his soft lips feel against mine. He hasn’t pulled back either. Maybe he now understands what I mean by nonverbal gestures, as a professor I expected him to know better. Professor… no, I can’t kiss Michael he’s my professor. I pull back and look down embarrassed. 

There’s awkward silence. I don’t know what to say. I shouldn’t have done it. It was completely inappropriate. 

“you proved your point” he says softly

“yes, but I shouldn’t have done that. I didn’t mean to, I mean I wanted to, no! no! I mean…” what am I saying. I wish i would stop speaking

“it’s ok”

“I’m so sorry”

“it’s fine Vivienne.”

I turn around and leave his office without looking back. I am so embarrassed right now that I could dig a hole in the ground and sleep there till my funeral. I run through the hallway and hide inside the washroom. 

“Are you insane” the mirror screams back at me. 

“how could you do that. He’s your teacher” I pull my hair in frustration and confusion. I want to cry. I am so embarrassed that I can’t even look at my own reflection. I enter a cubicle and sit down on the pot. I’m blanking out and I don’t know what to do. I hear a voice outside which I think is Rachel’s. I open the door and see her staring at the mirror fixing her hair

“Hey Viv, how come you’re here? didn’t you have a meeting with hottie Jackson?”

“Shut up Rach!” I scream exasperated. “It’s probably because of all you’re teasing that it happened”

Rachel turns towards me, her face now serious. 

“What happened Viv?”

“I kissed him”

“YOU KISSED PROFESSOR JACKSON?” Rachel shouts out so loud that the janitor comes in 

“Is everything alright?” she asks

“Yes, we’re fine, thank you”

“You kissed professor Jackson” Rachel asks again in a tone of disbelief turning to me after the janitor leaves

“Yes”

“how did it happen?”

I give her a detailed flashback of one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. 

“we’ll you were just proving a point. The kiss was nothing but an example of a nonverbal gesture”

“yeah, a nonverbal gesture which says I’m into him”

“No, chill viv, he’s one of our coolest professors, he won’t take it the wrong way”

“Rachel, I kissed him. I kissed professor Jackson on the lips. There is no right way”

“wait a minute”

“what?”

“did he….kiss you back?”

“I don’t know”

“how do you not know? When you kissed him, did he also kiss you or did he pull back?”

“he did nothing, I mean it was like he froze there while I was kissing his lips and then I pulled back”

“he didn’t stop you though” Rachel says with a naughty smile

“he didn’t kiss me back either”

“the glass is half full or empty, take it whichever way you want viv”

The bell rings and we move towards our class

“whose lecture do we have next?” I ask Rachel who is looking through the class schedule on her phone

“you won’t believe it”

“no!” I let out a little scream

“Yea-es” Rachel sings “Professor Jackson”

As we pass by the office, I think about handing in my leaving certificate and disappearing from this college, this town, this country forever. India would be a nice place to go to. My mom’s half Indian so she might know someone in India with whom I can stay until I get a job at some call centre and buy a little flat for myself half across the globe from this place where professor Jackson exists. 

“Since it’s your last class of the day, I know you guys must be pretty tired so let’s keep this class about something fun instead of beginning a new critical theory” I hear professor Jackson say and heave a sigh of relief. I was in no state of mind to grasp anything new let alone a post structuralist critical theory. 

“Since you’re all literature students, I assume you’ve all read tons of romances. Let’s discuss today what are your favourite romantic moments from whatever book you’ve read and what is it that you like about them. It could be the first time the lovers meet, the description of the beloved by the lover, the first touch or” he pauses a little and continues “the first kiss”. 

Rachel looks at me and I go down in my seat, covering my face behind One Hundred Years of Solitude. 

“He looked at you when he said ‘first kiss’” Rachel whispers

“No, he did not. He’s just trying to start a discussion that most students would be interested in and ergo participate” 

“if it’s nothing to do with you, then why are you hiding your face” 

“I’m not, the seat’s a little slippery and I slipped” I reply sitting back up straight

“Ms. Woods, tell us your favourite romantic moment” Mr. Jackson asks as he catches Rachel being inattentive. 

“Well, Professor” Rachel answers but there’s something strange about her tone. I have a bad feeling where this is going. 

“My favourite romantic moment is the first kiss between Ashley Jennings and her professor Mr. Daniels in Loving Mr. Daniels” No, Rachel did not just say that. I kick her under the table but she continues “They know that they’re love is forbidden but that doesn’t keep them from kissing each other. While kissing they both know that they should not be doing it and yet none can pull away and after the kiss Ashley feels that his kisses tasted like forever soaked in always. Sometimes, Mr Jackson the wrong thing is the right thing” 

“Good, that’s a beautiful observation. Thank you for sharing it with the class Ms. Woods” 

Rachel grins at me flashing all of her pearly white teeth as she sits down. ‘I’m going to kill you’ I mouth

“Ms. Michael” oh no, no, no, no

“Vivienne, he’s calling out your name” Rachel says, mocking me “or are you now more used to him calling you Vivi instead of Ms. Michael” I glare at Rachel and look up

“Ms. Michael, share your favourite romantic scene with the class” 

“It’s from wuthering heights” I reply nervously “when Catherine tells Nelly about Heathcliff that “he is more myself that I am, whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same”. 

“wuthering heights is one my favourites too” he says and I know he’s looking at me but I can’t look at him. “That was really good, thank you Ms. Michael, Ms. Samuels you’re next”. I sit down and cover my face. I cannot look at professor Jackson anymore. I should quit this course that would be less torturous. 

“You have similar tastes too” Rachel says as we pack our bags and prepare to leave. I ignore her comment. Finally, the day has come to an end. I can’t wait to just go back to my room and burry my face in my pillow. 

“Ms. Michael could you stay back please” 

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