Bitter Sweet

Chapter 11- Why can't I stop hurting?

Why can't Damien stop calling me? I ask myself as I drop my phone down for the 10th time in 5mins.
Its 12am for Christ's sake.
Thankfully, my mum isn't home so I don't have to answer her ridiculous questions

As I'm about to tuck myself in so I can finally sleep, I hear the door bell ring. Seriously who could be at my door at this time?!
I reluctantly get up and walk downstairs slowly and make sure to pick up a base ball bat on my way.

Who's there I ask but I don't get a reply so I slowly unlock the door ready to knock down someone

"Whoa! whoa!! Calm down Ari its just me" Damien yells as I'm about to whack him with the bat

"Oh sorry. I wasn't expecting a visitor at this time" I say putting the bat down "come in"

"Sorry I came unannounced, I've been calling but you weren't answering and I just wanted to check on you and see if you we're fine" he says standing in front of me behind my door

"I'm fine Damien"

"Ariana. I'm sorry if the kiss offended you in any way and that's why you've been acting strange and avoiding me"

"Don't worry Damien, twas just a kiss and I'm sure it didn't mean anything to you so no need to apologize" I say a bit sarcastic

"No Ariana. It meant a lot to me. This few days have been so confusing and I can't explain how I've been feeling and I don't know what to do"

"Come, have a seat" I say walking to the couch. I would invite him upstairs but after what happened last time,I'd rather not.

"What I mean is that I think I have feelings for you Ariana"

"You think or you know Damien" I say giving him a pointed look

"Ugh Ariana. This isn't easy for me.."

"What isn't easy? Confessing your "FEELINGS"?" I say intentionally air quoting the feelings

"I'm not really use to this kind of thing you know. Like sincerely telling a girl how I feel about her with the fear of being turned down"

"Off course you're not use to it. You can't be when you can have any girl you want and they make it so easy for you to have them so you don't have to stress yourself expressing feelings"

"Are you acting like this because of what happened earlier today at pops?"

Oh. I thought he wouldn't realise

"Off course not Damien. We aren't an item so you have every right to take any girl of your choice out" I say quoting Hailey

"Oh"

"Yep" this is the moment when we have that awkward silence until one of us leans in and tries to kiss the other. But that only happens in movies but this isn't a movie

"So..."

"Look Damien. Its cute that you came all the way to my house in the middle of the night to confess your feelings to me and all but I don't know if I'm ready to take this step you know. I still have this little phobia for relationships ever since I broke up with Jake and I don't really know anything about you except for the fact that you're the school's bad boy and the football team's quarterback and also the ex boyfriend of Lana Avril, the bitch of Clifford high and i..."

"Ariana!" He yells looking exhausted from all my talking

"Yes?"

"Do you like me or not?"

"I don't really know. This few days have also been very confusing for me and I don't want to jump into conclusion's without knowing exactly how I feel"
Though I think I know exactly how I feel

"So I'm guessing that's a no"

And I just stay quiet. My heart breaking into a thousand places because I think I like him too and my stupid phobia is once again blocking the road that leads to my happiness

"Damien.."

"Its okay Ariana. I'm sorry for disturbing you at this time of the night. I better leave so you can sleep. See you in school on Monday" and with that he stands up and goes to the door. then he opens it, whispers goodnight and then leaves

I don't even realise when tears start rolling down my cheeks
I've never felt so bad since I broke up with Jake and this time i'm the one that's causing myself this pain

I go upstairs and throw myself on my bed and pick up my phone to dial Hailey's number.

"Hello" she says very sheepishly, I know she's gonna kill me for disturbing her sleep but I need someone to talk to

"Hey Hailey" I say unable to control my sobs

"Oh my God Ari, are you okay?" She says already fully awake

"No Hailey. I don't know what happened but I feel like my heart just broke into a thousand pieces that can only be found and arranged by only one person".

"What time is it" she asks then answers herself before I can reply "I'm coming over, my parents went on an unplanned trip this evening so I'm alone"

"Okay" I say then hangup

When did things get to this point. I'm so lost

I never realised I liked him this much. Heck I never realised I liked him at all.
Or could this just  be me feeling guilty for hurting his feelings?
Nah, I don't think so
-----

"So what really happened to you" Hailey says sitting on my bed

"Damien was here Hailey and I don't know what happened but I ended up in tears"

"Did he hurt you?"

"No"

"Then what happened"

"He told me he has feelings for me and it was at that moment I realised that after spending so much time with him in Jakes house and after the little kiss we shared, I also have feelings for him but I didn't... I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship"

"But why Ari! Why are you throwing away your happiness because of a stupid phobia"

"I don't know Hailey. I don't know. I really wanted to tell him that I like him too but I just didn't. I gave him the impression that I didn't like him back and I don't know why. I don't know how to make this pain go away"

"Its okay Ari" she says leaning in and I rest my head on her shoulder and let more tears out.
This is so unlike me

"Hailey what do I do? I can't let him go. How do I let him know that I feel the same way about him"

"Don't worry, everything will be fine"

"You think so?"

"I know so"

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