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antonio Do you remember your first love?
How they looked, talked, and acted? The way they made you feel on the inside, like millions of tiny butterflies?
The way their skin felt touching yours? Their likes and dislikes?
Because I do. I remember it all.
In the midst of Marnie's situationship going on, we still have to move on with our lives. I still had to continue going to school, avoiding the press, and keeping everything somewhat normal.
I hadn't talked to Drew in two weeks. He did reach out to ask if i was doing okay, but nothing more, and even with that, I had to pretend like it was okay. But I know deep down it's not.
He is my first love.
Being with girls, hooking up, wasn't the same as being with him.
Shit, I even lost my virginity to a girl.
And not to sound "tmi", but I could get turned on my Drew by just admiring his facial features.
I think that's how I knew he was my first love.
I know I have to tell my friends. This wasn't apart of my plan, but I know eventually the press will keep digging into our lives, and spread anything remotely interesting about us.
All in all, it's better to tell them now before they find out later.
So I called them to my house tonight and that is where we right now. My heart feels like it's about to combust in my chest.
It was dead silent in my living room. I knew it was six, but I could hear the clock ticking and knew it had been close to five minutes past.
Someone breaks the silence.
"Ant, why'd you call us here? It's super late and I have homework" Marnie says while sitting criss crossed on my couch. Naomi looks down at her hands. Almost nervously.
"I have a confession, and I don't know how y'all will react" I say with honesty.
I usually don't give a fuck about what people have to say about me, but I did. I cared what these two girls thought of me, and me lying to them was starting to break my own heart.
"If you say some dumb shit like you don't know what to wear tomorrow, I will bitch slap you without hesitation" Naomi says finally. I knew she wasn't kidding.
I breathed in and out. I opened my mouth and let the words flow.
"I've always known, since I was little that I was different. And that sounds so cheesy, but it's true. When boys my age were worried about getting cooties from girls, I was worried about if I was tough to even like girls. I remember in fourth grade when there was a new student, his name was Adam. I also remember when some of the boys in my class said they liked certain girls, I remember feeling that way about Adam. I remember admiring him. I even left a note in his locker asking if he liked me back. He never replied. Being so little, I shouldn't have been concerned with worrying if I was going to fit in because I had a crush on another little boy like me. But I was, and at such a young age, it engulfed me. I knew it made me different, but I thought that was all there was to me. And since then, I realized that I'm gay. I like guys. I didn't tell you guys for so long because I wanted you guys to know me as Antonio, not your gay best friend" I let out a breath.
I didn't even realize that I was sighing. Maybe it was because of how much I just said, or maybe it was the weight being lifted off my shoulders.
"Antonio, we always knew you were different. Not because we compared you to Dean, another guy, but because we know you. You liking the same gender doesn't make us see you differently. We know your heart and we know you just want acceptance" Marnie says putting her hand on mine. I didn't even realize it was shaking slightly.
"And we love you, no matter who you love" says Naomi, giving me a smile.
"Thanks bitches" I say, a solo year falls down my face. We laughed.
"We don't see you as different, we see you as you" Marnie says.
Around ten, Naomi and Marnie left. We talked about everything under the sun. The only thing I left out was Drew. I wasn't ready to tell them that yet.
I told them I was feeling tired, and we'd talk tomorrow. But that wasn't the real reason I wanted them to leave.
I picked up my phone and clicked on a contact named "Desiree". I named the contact that so no one would know it was a certain guy. I called him.
It rang four times and right before I decided to hang up, someone answered.
"Hello?" Drew says through the phone. His voice sounded sleepy, like I woke him up.
"Hi" I say.
"...Did I wake you?" I say nervously. "I can call back later" I blush.
"No no, you're good" he says, I hear some sheets ruffling in the background.
"How are you?" I ask. Shit, so original.
"I'm good, yours-" He asks. His voice was like silk now, but I cut him off.
"I miss you" I blurt. "I miss you all the damn time. I miss holding you, I miss talking to you, being there for you. I miss it all, and I want back. I want this to work, no matter the cost" I say, my voice breaking at the end.
"Come over" he replies.
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sorry for the short chapter babies, I've been sick ewww. i hope you guys liked this one. would you guys prefer long chapter but they would take longer to get out or short chapter and less time in between? lmk!!
