Broken Leader

Chapter 6

Rm POV
He opened his eyes for what felt like the 100th time. All he wanted to do was sleep, but he couldn't he had to get up. He blinks rapidly trying to clear the fresh set of tears that make there way down his red cheeks.
He has never felt so scared, hurt and angry in his life.
Namjoon winced as he slowly sat up the pain in his lower half unbearable.
He had propped himself against the wall for support, his body to weak to do so on its own.
I'm pathetic. How could I let this happen, how could I?
He thinks to himself as he begins to sob, he just couldn't stop crying. Namjoon pulls himself up as he sobs. His legs had bruises upon bruises on them, and his back was filled with red scratches. His side was hurting painfully a black and blue bruise already beginning to appear. Namjoon trudged to the small sink as he pulled at his hair in frustration.
"Dammit."
He mutters brokenly as he looks at himself in the dirty bathroom mirror.
He hardly recognized himself.
Namjoon felt so sick and tired he just wanted to sleep. He just wanted to forget.
He yanks his boxers and pants up painfully. Choking back more cries as his fingers come back bloody.
I'll just shower later that's all.
He thinks to himself as he splashed some cold water on to his face.
He wipes his face harshly drying away snot,tears and his pain.
Namjoon couldn't tell anyone. He had to stay strong, for the group. He had to be a good leader, he could do that.
All he needed to do was walk out of here and forget.
Act like everything is okay.
Everything is okay.
He thinks to himself as he takes a deep breath, trying to rid away tears that threatened to fall.
Namjoon fixed his hair alittle, trying to compose himself as best as he can.
I can't say anything, I can't I'm pathetic and disgusting. Jin hyung won't want anything to do with me...no one will. I'm not innocent anymore...I..I.
Namjoon shakes his head stopping his negative thoughts.
He didn't have time for that.
He slowly limps out of the bathroom as he makes his way back into the dressing room.
His heart sank as he saw everyone stuffing there faces with food.
Know one was even worried...they probably didn't even know I was gone.
He thinks bitterly as he sniffles softly sitting down in a corner of the room, trying to make himself invisible.

It didn't work.

A happy Jimin came pounding towards him.
"Namjoon Hyung what took you so long?" He asks sassily, waving his small finger a little.
"The foods gotten cold"
He scolds as he goes to grab Namjoons hand to drag him up out of his seat so he can eat something.
Namjoon couldn't help but recoil away from him.
A small whimper leaving his lips.
He didn't mean to do that.
Why did I do that, what the hell.
He thinks to himself, angry with himself for being so weak.
So pathetic.
He watches as Jimin's face turned from happy to concerned.
"I'm fine Jimin I just was lost in thought for a moment." Namjoon says breaking out into a smile.
That seemed enough to make Jimin stop worrying.
He sighed sadly as he slowly stood up joining the group to eat.
He couldn't focus on the conversations or the small banters around him.
All he could do was listen to that little voice in his head, that weak small voice begging to not be hurt.
I'm okay...I'm always okay.
He thinks as he grabs a piece of chicken stuffing it down his throat.

I'm okay.