Lotor ran his fingers through his hair, hoping to tame its unruliness but having no success.
"Quiznacking mice," he grumbled, "Always stealing things. I should have eaten them when I had the chance."
Lotor sighed and finally gave up trying to fix his hair without a comb.
'Maybe I could borrow one?' He thought, 'But who has hair long enough to have a spare?'
Allura was out of the question. She wasn't fond of Lotor and he did not wish to make her even less so by asking to borrow one of her possessions.
Coran would probably have a mustache comb, but Lotor didn't want that anywhere near him.
Shiro had had long hair for a day or two when he had first been found, but had gotten a haircut soon after and probably didn't have a comb.
Keith was the obvious choice, but Lotor worried his infatuation with Keith would become rather apparent if he just walked up and asked to borrow a comb like some sort of uncouth animal.
But as he knew that fear was silly, and since his comb was still missing and his hair wasn't getting any tamer, he decided to go ask Keith.
Lotor got no answer when he knocked on Keith's door.
'He must not be here right now,' Lotor thought, 'I'll just pop in and brush through my hair, then be on my way. No one will even have to know.'
Lotor opened the door to a sight that alarmed him. Keith was on the floor, wrapped in a blanket, crying.
"Keith?" Lotor asked, "Are you alright?"
Keith looked up at him. His eyes were red and puffy. His face was stained with tears. "Lotor? What the quiznack are you doing here?"
Lotor frowned. "I came to ask you if you had seen my comb. What are you doing?"
"This is my room."
"No, I know why you're here. My question is what are you doing?"
"I think you can see what I'm doing. Damn it," Keith stood up and threw the blanket off himself, "I said I wouldn't cry!"
Lotor stepped into Keith's room and closed the door. "There's no shame in showing your emotions."
"That's easy for you to say! You don't show any at all!"
"That took me years of practice and punishment for messing up. I'm very glad that you went through no such thing." Lotor thought back to his childhood, but quickly shoved away the unpleasant memories.
"You still haven't answered my question," Lotor said, "What's gotten you so upset?"
"At Naxzela," Keith said.
"Naxzela? What about Naxzela?"
Keith said nothing for a long time.
"I almost died," Keith finally whispered, just loudly enough for Lotor to hear. "I would have if you hadn't shown up when you did. I wasn't sure if it would work to save them, but I had to do something. I couldn't just sit there and let them die. The universe needs them."
'The universe needs you, too. I need you, Keith.' Lotor thought, but didn't say. He didn't think it would be helpful, so he chose to say nothing.
"No one even knows, Lotor!" Keith yelled, slamming his fist onto his desk. The momentum of his fist made the tears fly from Keith's eyes, staining the paper next to him. Lotor hoped they weren't important. "And if they did, they wouldn't care!"
"Keith," Lotor tried, "Your team cares about you. I'm sure that if you told them, they would be devastated."
"That's why I can't tell them! I don't know which would be worse, them being upset or them not being upset!"
"I see."
"I'm just... I'm so sick of it!"
"Sick of what?"
"I'm so damn sick of being sad. And I'm sick of being angry. And I'm sick of being sick of things, and I'm sick of being in charge, and I'm sick of not being in charge, and I'm sick of being in love with someone as amazing as you when you could never feel that way about someone like me!"
'Feel like that about someone like him?' Lotor wondered. 'Does he mean he likes me? If he's feeling bad about himself, it doesn't matter right now.'
Keith was still for a moment before realizing what he had said. "I- I didn't mean-"
"What did you mean 'someone like you?'" Lotor asked, taking Keith's hand in his own. "That's all I care about right now. Are you thinking badly of yourself?"
Lotor didn't understand how Keith could see himself in a negative light. He was the most incredible person Lotor had ever met, but he knew that self doubt cared not for one's abilities.
"Isn't it obvious? I'm a failure. I was a terrible Black paladin, a terrible Blade of Mamora, and a terrible friend. And you... you're amazing, Lotor. You're so elegant and smart and you always know what to say."
"I don't," Lotor replied, "And I'm not. And you're not any of the things you said, either."
"It's just... you're everything I wish I was."
"There are a lot of things I've done that I hope you never have to do. I am not the perfect man you think me to be."
Lotor sat on Keith's bed and patted the space beside him. "Sit?"
Keith obliged. Lotor began to speak again. "I understand what you're going through. You feel like a failure, like you've let people down. But if there's anything I've learned over the years, it's that those who truly care about you will care about you regardless of your performance. Those who don't never really cared, so they aren't worth wasting your time on."
"Are you talking about your generals?"
Lotor shook his head. "I'm talking about my father. I tried so hard to impress him, to prove to him that I could be a good son. I failed over and over again. I did terrible things for the sake of approval I would never receive. I could never succeed. It was an impossible task."
"I'm sorry."
"There's no need for you to apologize. You weren't at all responsible, nor was I. The problem was the person whose approval I was striving for."
Lotor tentatively placed his arm around Keith's shoulder, feeling pleased when Keith didn't push it off.
"You feel scared. Scared because of what happened at Naxela, yes, but also scared that it could happen again and you would be powerless to stop it. Scared that you would be able to stop it, but would lose your life in the process. Scared that no one would mourn or miss you when you were gone."
"You're right, but that doesn't exactly help me feel better."
"But you're wrong, Keith. So many people would miss and mourn you. Shiro, Hunk, Pidge, Lance, Allura, Coran, Matt. And me. I would miss you dearly."
"You would miss me?"
"Of course I would," Lotor said, "Because someone like me could absolutely feel that way about someone like you."
Lotor never did find his comb, but he didn't mind. He found Keith, and that was even better.
