Own (WangXian)

Taste

He opened his eyes, he was sure he did.

The room was dark and quiet. For a still sluggish Wei ying, it was too dark, he couldn't move a muscle. It was all consuming. It has never been black, lan zhan made sure it wasn't. He knew well enough what it did to Wei ying, he couldn't be more afraid... too empty to feel but too full of it to let go.

No thought was reachable, no longer a place to hang an image. Just a black background, foggy and stinging his eyes and more so him mind. He feels like he's lying on the edge of the tallest cliff, one move and he'll fall back into the abyss he came from. Stripping him from all of his personality, terror had taken everything he knew about himself to be, no longer the wei wuxian the world feared. Stripping him from the title of an actual human being, like he was a single ring of a small bell, unheard and uncared for, throwing away his will to ever be known by another soul.

It felt real...

Somehow it felt right, everything he had done had earned him the right to be scared. He deserved to be driven into madness, left in the hole of dread. Such simple and kind thing it was to be delivered to death, not another breath to be wasted on a creature like him, with his weak body and small soul and a foul smelling desire to be set free for another thousand years into a place without a lock and key or a door. There should be a warning made with his skin and hung up on the blue sky he so very much loved.

Oh how he wished he was whipped into a mess, degraded to sleep in his own blood and tears but not like the nightmares where he begged them to stop, begged them to let him go. No. He'll stay. All muddy and incoherent, left to be alone till his bones melted into something that'll fit in the narrow mouth of death. How shameless for him to exist while everyone else did not, everyone tried to end him, they must have known what kind of abomination he was.

Except one.

One who fed him feelings he didn't think existed, let alone belong to him. The one who asked him to breathe, to heal, to join the pieces that didn't fit... didn't belong together. The man who had pressed him between the walls of pleasure and pain, making his body do things it hadn't done before...How he touched him, made him touch. Called him things no one did, making sounds that were too sweet for his ears.

How it didn't bother lan zhan that he wasn't original, the one he fell in love with...

He was told he was wanted, where... when no one else did.

It made him hate a little less and love a little... maybe more. It made him feel used and useful and...loved.

It was true. Hanguang jun loved him. Only him. Always...

The feeling was now filling him with something more. Yes it was dark but it won't be, lan zhan would come, bearing light on his shoulders... that made him look like a whole forest burning. From the morning he had, he knew what Lan zhan was, pressed hard against his most intimate parts, heavy with lust, so undeniably full and thick... scorching him through his skin. The courage he poured through inside him was immense.

Almost preparing himself for a death again, Wei ying moved, just a little, feeling for the man he had slept in the bed with and his hands came back without an answer.

And the buzzing began...

"Where did lan zhan go? Did lan zhan leave me? Did he regret the things he did to me? Was the promise a lie? Did he not love me anymore? Leaving me in the dark? No...lan zhan must have a reason, he always has a good reason. Why hasn't he come back yet? I listened to him... didn't I? Maybe lan zhan doesn't want to... maybe he doesn't want me anymore...did he finally saw that I wasn't worth keeping? he didn't even put my pants back... Is my body not worth even touching? Too dirty for the hanguang jun? Wasn't I good to lan zhan? He must have felt something...his hands felt so good. Won't lan zhan take me back? What if I begged? Won't he take me in? Will lan zhan fuck me then? Yes, please oh please yes, what if I begged enough and he'll keep me as his fuck toy? Lan zhan would be so happy, he loved touching me so much, won't he be proud of me then? Will he let me stay?"