Own (WangXian)

Order/ Castle

He could have said he have had enough, that and that perhaps Lan zhan shouldn't watch every single bite he took or every sip of the soup. It was hard enough to eat with a roughed-up throat, wei ying's gulps were pitiful and uncomfortable, he couldn't even taste the already bland food of these high mountains. He could feel his lips even if he didn't want to, every time the spoon touched them, a shameful shiver went down his back. Lan zhan had him covered in blankets and yet he felt naked and exposed, maybe it was just those eyes.

wei ying didn't have any ideas what was behind them, trying to get used to the feeling was exhausting and at the same time, exciting.

It was... interesting... to have someone be so invested in him, a man specifically, it wasn't his sister who was wiping the liquid off his chin but hanguang jun, a man so important... so strong... so... not ordinary in any way. He wasn't against these gestures of care, they weren't stiff like the other movements of Lan zhan's body, they were soft and graceful, pure. They didn't make wei ying question himself, his actions or his thoughts, he was here because he wanted to, it didn't have much to do with money or shelter, he wasn't being forced to take Lan zhan's extreme ways of lovemaking, he wanted to be here because nobody else would smile at him like the man in front of him did.

He did however question all the things Lan zhan did for him, with him, before his confession a day before, wei ying replayed every touch of their shoulders, every smile, every glance Lan zhan gave him, that he took for of a friend. Affection he thought of a friend or a very good friend, he couldn't believe it took a death for him to find out about it, wasn't he supposed to be clever and cunning, like how people described him. It's not his fault he told himself, Lan zhan was always difficult to read, his arms behind him, his palms in fists and his eyes stubbornly fixed straight front, he could scare heavy wind and rain with the way he walked and even if he did see something, wei ying had never seen that kind of love. To compare two gender, well, even wei ying isn't brave enough to do that.

Now that he knows, it's no laughing matter, he felt responsible, to be the best for the man who had taken him for a lover through life and death. Even when Lan zhan was spoiling his mind and spilling inside his body, he felt grounded and belonged, how his twisted mind gives way to a tamed one was astounding, he couldn't part from the feeling of being so unbelievably human ever since he came back.

He couldn't wait till the next time Lan zhan holds him in his arms, he really didn't like having his mouth so empty, it was bothering his poor tongue to be so lightweight. Why didn't it ever upset him before, he couldn't answer. He also wanted to know what Lan zhan wanted to do this afternoon, wei ying could only sleep for so long, the nightmares will just drag him under anyway.

"Lan zhan..." his voice was a little scratchy, he looked down in the cup of tea Lan zhan had brought closer to his swollen lips, he could do that himself you know, but it wouldn't be so exciting as it was to have Lan zhan's eyes on his mouth.

"don't talk, I wasn't so kind before, drink this..." wei ying could see, that it wasn't guilt, Lan zhan wasn't guilty. He shouldn't be, for wei ying knew that he had been disrespectful where he should have been good, he should be saying please and he should be saying thank you.

"slowly" Lan zhan said lightly, taking away the cup, "I'll listen, relax, I'm right here wei ying."

He didn't even realize how tensed his body was until Lan zhan said those words and his muscles went feather soft under a second, the next his back and his fingertips went ice cold, shivers started small but he jerked up once, strong tremors taking over his body, they reached the point of pain so quick, his nose hitting the cup, he tried to catch his breath. It was a punch in the guts as he bit his own tongue, smooth iron taste and the smell in his nose, a bitter grip on his heart, his mouth let out a shattering breath, and he his face could have hit the table and empty plates in front of him if it wasn't Lan zhan's hand on his forehead.