[C] 'EUPHORIA'

N.O.T.E

Few months passed by since the incident, none of them able to talk about it in usual voice until one day Minho ask them to gather in the living room. He enters Felix's room in the morning and found a hidden box behind the closet.

A blue-black box with gold ribbon. The last hidden treasure Felix leave there, as his last story with SKZ. Minho decides to open the hidden box with the members, because on top of the box a small note is there, " To SKZ ".

He opens the box, and there are letters for them. On each of the letter, Felix write the member's name. Chan take the first letter and open it.

" DEAR CHAN

You used to tell me to find you whenever I need you right? I did, but the pain didn't stop. I just want to be happy and able to laugh like I used to be when I was a trainee. But I guess the demon in my head didn't let me to do so. The voice keeps creeping into my mind, and no one can stop it except for the bloody hand. The voices will stop when I cut myself Chan. Sorry, I can't find you after this. After all, do you know why people who kill themselves don't want to die? They just want to end the pain and I'm sorry that you couldn't be the one who make the pain go away for me. I won't trade your laugh for someone like me. You don't deserve to know a problematic person like me. – l.fx "

Minho take the second letter, and his trembles hand open it slowly.

" DEAR MINHO

You're one of the one that I always look up. I want to be like you, cheerful and laugh like a sunshine. But the demon inside my head, won't let me. They said I didn't deserve to laugh or cry. What I deserve the most is a painful death. And that's what I see whenever I want to fit myself in your life. You're too saint for a sinner like me. After all, our worlds didn't deuce together. You taught me everything and I followed it but at the end of the day, I messed up. Why? Because you're a white swan in my eyes and I'm the black swan. A swan that don't even deserved to be in the same lake as yours, because my feathers are pitch black and dark as the midnight. I can't help myself to fly towards you and end up choke myself in the cold water. – l.fx "

Changbin push himself and bravely he pulls the letter that has his name. He exhales and open the letter.

" DEAR CHANGBIN

The first one who came to me and say hi. The first one who taught me Korean and always said sorry for things he didn't do it. It's you Changbin, I can't help myself but amazed with your rap technique. I will not able to reach the same level as you Changbin. You're an all-rounder meanwhile I am? Just a pathetic loser that want to run away from his problem. The one who always cover the problem with another problem, that's me Changbin. I won't messed you anymore, you will be able to focus more on your music and rap style. Why? Because I'm the problem, and this problem will fade away. Problems will always follow me not matter what and the solution is to disappear. – l.fx "

Han didn't want to open his letter. Not this, but he can't avoid it when he sees the previous member treasure the letter. He wants to know what kind of letter he will get. The letter finally in his hand, and he opens it.

" DEAR HAN

If you ask me which one is more valuable to me, sun or you? My answer is you Han. You're the sunshine in my life. You complete the dark side of mine with your shine. There are no way people can hate you cause you're such a pure person. Word of happiness suits you so much, because you can bring laughter in life of the people who befriend with you. But not in my life, your happiness and laugh can't be eternal in my life Han. Why? Happiness is just like sun, beautiful and shining bright during daylight but as soon as sunset come it fade away. The sun ray is cover with the shine of the moon that not anyone deserve. The moon in my life is pitch black and cover with scars, and slowly I realise I just a broken compass. Didn't know where I should go or where I should stay because tons of things happen in my mind. The compass keeps spinning and finally it's broken. – l.fx "

Hyunjin clench his fist, he exhales and let out a small sigh. He didn't ready for this, but he knows there must be a reason why Felix write all the letters. A letter with "HHJ" initial indicates it belongs to him. Hyunjin opens it and his eyes read each line there.

" DEAR HYUNJIN

Have you ever thought why I treasure you all the time? I love to cuddle with you even with a small gesture of yours, you can make me smile like an idiot. Cause I envy you and people around you; they look so happy to befriend with you. I want you to have everything you write in your wish list, dance like you are born with the talent, and you know even your laughter can lights up the darkest skies. While me? I am a sinner and for sure I didn't have a golden heart like yours. I'm truly sorry with all the cuddles with you, my cracked heart tries to taint your golden heart. And sometimes I ask myself why a person like you willingly to understand me and held my hand closely when you're afraid of the dark. Maybe because your golden heart shines the darkest sky in my life. – l.fx "

Seungmin didn't say anything, he just reaches to his letter. He knows well how Felix trying to survive all this time. And he won't cry this time, he will be strong like Felix.

" DEAR SEUNGMIN

You always one step ahead from the other members. You are always here whenever I starts to lose my light or when I broke my wings. You always said to me you will be another half in my life, and you did. You become such a strong wing that always comfort me when I am afraid with my own shadow. You seemed like you always know the answer to each of my question and connects the dot for me to help me holding on. But still, my heart is frozen, and it can't melt easily. You always shut your mouth, but you know how to cover for me and at least I can live for a while. It has been around for a long time and drive me into a corner, I lost myself in the sea and the burning desire in myself finally stop. Ironic, right? I supposed to owe you right because you help me, right? But it seems like I am comfortable enough to let the agony grow underneath my skin and I hides it perfectly with another scars.

Jeongin didn't want to read his letter, he knows he will end up crying again. He has been trying to hold all the tears and now he finally can let a small smile carve on his face. But that will be a selfish act for his favourite Hyung, so he forces himself to read the letter.

" DEAR JEONGIN

It's going to be totally lie if I told you to stay positive after what you see right? You are here with us, growing with us and as a Hyung to you I should help you to stand on your own feet, but I loses to myself Jeongin. I will be a hypocrite person if I tell you rainbow come after rain, light come after the darkness. You can smile when you want to smile, and you can cry when you want to cry. It's okay to be not okay for one day. The only thing I can tell you is, you need to be patience to ensure you have enough light to shine bright in the dark. You need to wait for the right time to shine even you are in pain waiting in the dark, it just I'm not a patience person to starts with. I will always ask myself why I am here when I can reach the sky without harming anyone else. I can reach it when I harm myself and that's how I found my euphoria. And you need to know that everyone is a moon, and he has a dark side that he never shows to anybody. – l.fx"

And finally, they look into each other eyes, tears are forming in their eyelids only waiting to fall. But none of them want to cry, it has been six months since Felix fell into coma state. They still have the hope, to see he wakes up and say something to them.

Suddenly, Chan's phone ringing. The ringing sound cracks the silent that tension up the situation in the living room. Woojin is the caller and he pick the call. After a few words come out from his mouth, he cries.

Not a sad crying, it is a happy tear. Their Felix finally wake up after sleeping for a long time. The words that come out from Chan, make the members cry loudly, only God knows how happy they are. They put away all the letters and wash their face. They want to Felix happy to see them in normal state. 

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