[C] 'EUPHORIA'

D.E.A.D

Woojin feels weird when he reaches at Felix's house. The lights didn't on, and the door isn't lock as well. He looks at his watch, 7.00am. Usually during this time, Felix will stills sleeping soundly but not locking his door? It is weird!

Woojin wait for Kang Ahjumma and then they enter the house together, no sign of trespass neither fight. All things in the house still at the same place but his ears listen to a music. Their new songs without him, Woojin runs to Felix's room and its lock from inside!

His heartbeat getting faster, he kicks the door for a few times while Kang Ahjumma ringing the other boys. She knows something is wrong with this situation! Felix didn't call her last night, Woojin as well. 10 minutes later, the boys arrive in their pyjamas. Looking half asleep and half awake, Woojin goes ballistic! He can't open the door.

Final kick from him, the door finally open. And Woojin collapse to the floor!

"FELIX!!!!"

He runs to Felix and hold his hand, and he cries. The bloods already dry from his body, the red sheet turns into the darker colour already. The room smells like blood, and Felix is there.

No sign of movement or breathing, Minho fall to the floor, and Jeongin goes crazy, Chan as well. He left them last night with a smile and how he can leave them today with a pale face. No blood in his body, Woojin cries and hug Felix. He didn't believe it!

Felix hold a letter in his hand, a letter cover with a plastic and initial of "KWJ" on the letter. It's the final letter from him, Woojin takes it and he didn't register the sound of sirens and command that ask him to stand up. He feels incredibly ill and he vomit on the floor that covered with blood.

The familiar voices ringing in his ears, but he can't recognize who are the owners as he stares at the innocent letter in his hand. He should be here, when Felix need him the most, but he can't.

Dispatch discover the news and around 7.45 am the news already spread online. Felix's suicide become the first case of 2020, the mental health issue among idols getting serious.

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"[BREAKING] FELIX FORMER MEMBER OF STRAY KIDS WAS FOUND DEAD IN HIS APARTMENT"

"[BREAKING] SEOUL POLICE CONFIRM FELIX TOOK HIS OWN LIFE"

"[BREAKING] TRAGIC DEATH OF FELIX IS ANOTHER ALARMING ISSUE AMONG IDOLS "

"[BREAKING] KPOP STAR FOUND DEAD AT HIS HOME"

No one can digest the news yet, SKZ didn't dare to show up at their company because they know they will cry for sure. No one is strong enough to whisper right now not even to talk to each other. Felix's voice ringing in their head, his hoarse voice become a nightmare to them.

JYP Ent release an official statement online, and most of idols group cancel their schedule to give their final respect for Felix. The next morning, JYP hold a private funeral for idols to visit Felix before they send him for cremation process. His parents didn't show up, so SKZ stay as the representative for Felix.

Woojin is there as well, his mind goes blank and he can't accept this yet. The bloody plastic in his pocket and he stand beside Minho and Hyunjin. Those two looks bad right now. NCT Dream come by and hug them, asking them to stay strong might be the most stupid encouragement right now but that's the least they can do for SKZ.

Minho close his ears; he hears a voice. Saying his name loud and ask for help. The room seems spinning in his eyes, but he tries to stay still. Taecyeon is there as well even he isn't under the same label anymore. He used to teach Felix back then, and the room tension up with crying and compliments for Felix.

Minho can't stand it anymore, his head surely spinning fast right now and he pass out. His breath become short and he sweats cold, his body is burning, and he mumbles alone. Begging for Felix to stay, and it became a chaotic situation right now as the other idols try to help him.

Oh My Lord, what will happen to them right now? Will they stay together or break up?

STAYs mourning for the death of Felix. It feels like a dream to them, how their little squishy kitten decided to end his life? They didn't have the answer as Felix always shown his cheerful character to them. Their Felix is gone forever, another broken angel has gone home. May he happy there, and he can smile and laugh all the way he wants. His suffering already ends, and he deserve a new beginning.

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Two weeks since Felix passing, Woojin come to SKZ dorm, he wants to open the final letter by Felix in front of them. They deserve to know the content as well. At least they can talk without tears for now. I know, they will stay strong because this isn't the end for them.

Woojin open the letter and he read it but ended up choking himself.

" DEAR WOOJIN

Why? Why? Why?

"Why you need to leave the group? Is it too hurt for you to stay here and be part of us? I thought we will reach the last page of SKZ together, there are tons of chapter we didn't unfold together yet. It's only hundreds page we wrote our stories with STAY. I want you to stay but I will be selfish right? It's okay. I hope you are happy with your new book! And why I need to wake up every day? I don't want to live anymore. It's hurt and I had enough. Can the voices stop for me? I I don't want to wake up. Why I need to keep trying? I don't want to keep trying. Why I need to live my life? I don't want to live anymore. I didn't want to fail anymore; I've had enough with all the trials and errors. Can I call for a quit right now? And those voices, can they stop? I just want to go away and disappear."

The voices locked me in the darkness and harassed me

The voices disregard my dream

I didn't want to get hurt anymore

I want to step out from the voices

Break free from the voices in my head

But I'm too weak to do that

l.fx

The final letter is a clear proof that shows how the demon dismantled Felix. He crumbles to pieces and noneof nice words able to make him strong again. His words are there but it's crossing with each other. The members exchange theirnletter among all of them, and none of them dare to speak. Their Felix had done a great job, he had been fighting with the demons, but the demons won the battle.

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