Flicker

16

October 31, 1993

The concept of Halloween for the Buckingham's is interesting. Stevie used to be the one that had a giant party on the Friday or Saturday of or before Halloween. But since Aubree's come into the picture that's changed. Halloween fell on Sunday this year and Lindsey was back on the road playing someplace in Wisconsin. The bruises had healed but the scar in a sense was still there. He had tried to initiate sex the night before he went back on tour because well, they did that too. But Stevie flinched away from him the whole time which led them to not even getting out of their clothes and Lindsey going to sleep in the guestroom. 

Karen walked into the house and smiled at the sweet little girl dressed in her ladybug costume placing the chicken nuggets and fries from McDonald's infront of her. 

"So what happened to you not giving her junk food?" Karen questions. 

"Karen, I feel like shit." Stevie looms against the counter. 

"How so?" She questions.

"I feel like I'm going to..."She cuts herself off by running to the bathroom and throwing up. 

As she's throwing up, the door opens and she looks out the corner of her eye to see Aubree standing in the doorway.

"Mama okay?" 

"KAREN!" She just yells before throwing back up in the toilet.

"Mama Okay?" Aubree asks Karen this time.

"Mama's okay baby...she's got a yucky tummy. Come eat with Aunt Karen." Karen picks the toddler up. 

When Stevie emerges back into the kitchen Karen just looks at her. "Can you take her out tonight?" 

"I'll be fine...it's just if I smell certain foods." Stevie shakes her head.

"Do you think?" Karen crosses her arms. 

"Do I think what?" Stevie questions leaning against the counter.

Karen just motions her head towards Aubree. 

"No, no I couldn't possibly...could I be?" Stevie asks wrinkling her eyebrows.

"I don't know could you be?" Karen prods.

"The last time was on the second...I didn't get a period for the month of September. Oh My God, Karen, I could be. The last time I felt like this, was when I was having her." Steve bites her lip.

"If you're okay to take her Trick or Treating, I'll go get you a pregnancy test." Karen shrugs.

"Or four, four would be nice." Stevie nods. 

***

When Stevie gets home and after she gets Aubree ready for bed she sits on the edge of the tub in her bathroom getting the nerve up to take the tests. She had guzzled a shit ton of water and she really did have to pee but she just felt like she couldn't do it. Much like with her first pregnancy but she shook her head and did it anyway. When the tests were capped and she had flushed the toilet and washed her hands she carried them all out to their bed and wrote in her journal, something she's done her whole life, by the time she had finished she looked down at the tests and burst into tears. 

The baby that she was carrying was conceived out of anger and aggression and she didn't like knowing that one little bit. She just chucked them onto her nightstand and crawled under her covers. Tomorrow morning, first thing, before she even went to go retrieve Aubree from her crib she would be calling Dr. Thompson. 

***

The next morning it was slightly easier going about her day because she wasn't scared that she was going to get her baby sick, but she knew...she knew that trying to be a mom and being pregnant by herself wasn't going to be easy. She had Aubree on her hip and she uncapped the marker on the fridge to write out her appointment when the doorbell rang. Stevie quickly scribbled down what she needed to and then she went to go answer the door. Their "nanny", was a young girl. She was about twenty-three and she had a degree for early childhood development which Stevie liked. She was trying to save up enough money to open a daycare so she was more than available to babysit for the Buckingham's whenever they needed. They paid her well, about two hundred and fifty dollars a week, way more than a normal babysitter would get. And if she did her math correctly, she would be good to open the daycare within two years. 

"Hi, Brittney. She's been fed, and I have her dressed. I'll be home a little after six, but do you think you could get here earlier next Monday...I have a doctor's appointment right at eight?" Stevie questions. 

"Yes of course whatever you need. Maybe around 7:15 then?" Brittney questions.

"Yuck....but perfect, I honestly don't know why I made my appointment for that early." Stevie winces. 

"You'll be fine." Brittney smiles taking Aubree into her arms. 

"I hope you're right." Stevie grabs her stuff and kisses Aubree's cheek before making her way to work. 

***

Walking into her office, Karen was waiting for her. 

"So, what did it say?" She asks.

"I'm pregnant. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday. I'll probably be in around 9:30 but don't quote that, the appointment could go longer or it could be shorter." Stevie shrugs 

"Well, then it's a good thing I got you ginger tea instead of coffee today then." Karen laughs.

"Oh, you are a lifesaver. I am so nauseous it's not even funny." Stevie sighs taking the cup from her and sipping at the tea. 

"Did you tell Lindsey yet?" Karen prods sitting in the chair across from her desk.

"No, I'm going to wait until he gets home. That's what I did with Aubree and it worked out well." Stevie states leaning back in her chair. 

"When will he be home?" Karen inquires. 

"You are just full of questions today aren't you...he'll be home on the twenty-first," Stevie explains. 

"I am full of questions. How far along will you be?" 

"If I did my math properly eleven weeks pregnant. I'm pretty sure I'm around eight weeks now. Which, is what I was when I found out I was pregnant with Aubree but I felt a lot sicker prior too. I just started feeling sick on like Wednesday, Yesterday and today are just really bad. My kid ate cheerios for breakfast because just looking at the carton of eggs in the fridge made me want to hurl." Stevie sighs. 

"So what am I getting you for lunch?" 

"Oh geez, I have no idea. Play it safe with just chicken and swiss." Stevie shrugs.

"Fries?" 

She swallows thickly, "No."