Waindale

forty-two. without him

"You've been gone for so long, kid. What's happening? What's going on? I know you're responsible, and I trust you more than anyone on this earth, but I can't help but worry. Grandma and I—well we think you should come home for a bit. Stay the night. We can rent a movie or go out for dinner. You can grab some stuff from your room if you need it. Grandma cleaned your sheets for you. Just, we miss you. Let me know what you think, okay? Call me."

My phone remains pressed to my ear even though the voicemail has ended. I swallow and drop my hand. I stare down at the small screen as guilt rises up in me like floodwater filling a basement. Soon there will be no room left to breathe.

The bedroom is quiet. Adam is out of the house for what he promises will only be a little while. Tony and Yuke are here with me, not only to stop my father from appearing and bombarding me but to take care of the house as well. They are kind to me. Yuke offers me snacks every hour or so, and I can't help but take them. My appetite has risen from the dead, more alive than ever before. I sleep like I spend the entirety of my day running a never-ending marathon, and matched with the power my father returned to me, I feel beyond well.

I know the power he gives cannot be good. Out of fear of growing more poisonous plants or forbidden fruit trees, I have refrained from exploring. I'm scared that the more power I have, the more evil I am capable of. I would rather be oblivious to it.

The academy is on winter break. Vivianne comes by every now and then, and sometimes with Imogen, rarely with Elara, and never with Eli. Adam and I have mutually decided to keep me out of my father's reach, so I can no longer go on any outings to the diner or Barb's or anywhere. He doesn't believe that they will stay with me every minute. I can't risk my father coming to me. I need time, and I definitely don't want any more of his malevolence.

I toy with the idea of staying at Grandma's for the night. Surely I won't be alone, and even if he could come to me while I'm with others, it's not like he'll want to see my mother of all people. He would never risk that. There's too much she doesn't know—too much she can't.

I pack a bag. I throw in a few things like my toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, and other toiletries that are no longer at grandma's for me. Over the past weeks, it's become apparent that I no longer rely on my mother and grandmother like I used to. It's all due to Adam. He's taken care of me. He provides food for my bottomless stomach, a roof over my head, and beyond the basic necessities of survival, he comforts me and protects me and loves me. Am I a freeloader of snacks and affection? What did I ever do to deserve such things? It isn't the same compared to my mother caring for me; it's different with him. I feel guilty.

Guilt surrounds me these days. But I'm going to make it better—I've dedicated myself.

"What's going on?"

Adam stands for a moment in the doorway of the bedroom before steadily stepping in with his eyes on my bag. "Anything happen? Any more rogues?" I ask, referencing the business that took him from me.

He ignores my questions.

"My mom left me a message," I start. "She misses me—her and my grandmother. I've been gone for so long. I can't remember the last time I stopped by, so I think I should go over for the night. It will make them feel better, you know?"

Adam stares down at the bag as if his mind has gone into overdrive considering every possible way I could end up hurt, or worse. We haven't been apart for a night in what feels like a lifetime, and I'm sure the thought of me being apart from him when the sun sets is unnerving. Although I am capable of protecting myself now—with my newfound power and all—he still treats me like the human we believed I was. It doesn't bother me. His protectiveness reassures me. I need him to protect those I love if I can't do it myself.