he was here (depressed deku story)

is this pain?

dekus pov

i'm not sure how long i've been on the floor sobbing hysterically, but i get asked to leave. They offer me a separate room. I take it. I just sit on the floor and cry. all mights gone and is never coming back. I should've been there! Why'd he get attacked! then a soft knock on the door. I wipe away some of my tears falling from my red eyes. come in, i say.
it's Mr. aizawa. he doesn't know what to say, but i know he knows. he walks towards me. and gives me a hug. let's go home.
It was a long walk home. then we get there.
My room is like a big memorial. I grab an empty box from below my bed. anything that symbolizes all might goes in that box, and shove it under my bed. I found a photo of       all might and i. Why'd it have to be him?! I hold the picture tight to my chest and fall asleep.
it's the next morning. I'm cold. I sit up and everything hits me all at once. I dont have anymore tears left to cry. I walk to the bathroom. I look like a mess. I have tear stains running down my cheeks. i sit down on the floor.
lifes not worth living anymore.
I've been laying her for awhile. my heart physically hurts. I can't get this voice out of my head. It hurts.
your not good enough
allmights dead because of you
its your fault
you'd be better off dead
you deserve to suffer
your worthless.
worthless.

i've never harmed myself, I never planned on it. I broke apart my razor. I'm shaking a lot. I made 3 small cuts on my wrist. It hurts at first but as i see the blood trickling down my arm it's almost calming. I make three more on the opposite arm. and the voices are gone.
I hear a knock on my dorm room door. i stay quiet quickly putting water over my cuts. I wrap it with toilet paper and pull my sleeve down.
I heard the knock again. I slowly open the door.
it's todoroki. I look up, and decide to stay quiet.
"h-hi midoriya. how are you?"
I continue to stay quiet.
"well the class made dinner, would you like to join?"
i'll pass i say and slowly shut the door. I can't face them.

todoroki's pov:

as midoriya shuts the door in my face, I know something is wrong. I remember seeing his blood stained sleeve and its messing with my head. I know all mights passed but I didn't think it would hurt him this much. I know he idolized him, we all did. but why did it hurt him so bad?
I turn my head and start to walk downstairs.
sure we are all eating dinner together, but there's a cold silence across the room, and no it's not from me. Midoriya is hurt so bad, it's almost like all of us can feel it.
dinner was quiet. i take my dish to the kitchen. Kirishima is on dish duty.
"something on your mind man?" he asks me.
I look up. i think something is wrong with midoriya.
"i think he'll be ok, it's just the first night"
I reply with a soft ok and then leave the kitchen.
a memory of his sleeve keeps appearing in my head. it just replays.
what if hes not ok?

word count: 581