he was here (depressed deku story)

is this what going crazy feels like?

dekus pov:

after aizawa teaching me for few hours i get to go back to the dorms.
it feels good to see everyone again. we all sit and eat dinner together. and then Sato brings out a cake!
im smiling again. a real smile. is this what happiness feels like?
no.
they are all just pretending
your worthless.
the voices are back again.
i stand up
i-i think im done. thank you for dinner.
everyone's kind of speechless. i turn and walk away.
its your fault
hes dead because of you.
your a failure.
STOP!! i scream out. i start to cry again.
stop it! is this what going crazy feels like?
i need my blade. i go to the bathroom.
its gone.
there is one on my bedside table.
that ones gone to.
shit
your worthless!!
you are nothing
they dont care about you
your a burden
STOP!! PLEASE JUST STOP!! i fall to the ground crying.
i beg you stop-please stop
I look down. I forgot I hid a blade below my bed.
i found it. I get up and walk to the bathroom and shut the door.
I sit on the floor. just one cut.
i slit my wrist again.
and again. i watch the blood trickle down my arm.
your wort-
I cut again.
the voice is gone again.
Why is life so painful i cry out. Eventually I fell asleep on my bathroom floor.
I was awakened suddenly by being shaken awake violently by tsu.
"hes awake, but go get aizawa!!" she yells out.
i'm fine tsu, i just fell asleep.
"midoriya, we saw the blade."
damn it. here we go again.
i get up off the floor in my bathroom and sit on my bed.
aizawa walks in. tells everyone to get out.
"god damn it midorya, how long are you going to keep this up!"
until the-
"until the what, midoriya?"
i ask him, am i going crazy?
I look up with tears in my eyes.
I can't just magically get better! that's not going to happen!
tears start to form in my eyes.
All Might is dead, and I wasn't there to help! I was completely useless, and I don't deserve to be his successor! I could've been there but I wasn't. the only one who actually believed i, a quirkless loser could be a hero! He believed in me. the only person who believed in me is gone! how am i supposed to feel? this voice! this damned voice won't go away! it either tells me to die or hurt myself so it will go away! How am I supposed to feel when I'm constantly being reminded on a daily that I was completely useless, and that he's dead!!!
I fall to the ground, tears flooding my eyes.
Aizawa leans down. and hugs me.
"its ok"

word count :480