Joan the Made (Throwbacks Series, Book 1)

Chapter 46

Somewhere far away, Harriet is yelling at me, tugging on my arm, and dragging me down the hall. All of the sounds around me blend together in a hum. The headmaster's empty eyes stare at me. I'm a murderer.

"Joan, please!" This voice is new, and it calls to a place inside of me that hasn't gone dark.

"Justus?" I whisper, registering the panic in his kaleidoscope eyes. "I killed him. I killed him."

He's shoving a blue uniform at me. "You have to leave. There will be no justice for you if you're caught, Joan. Only retirement."

Robotically, I follow Harriet's lead and put the uniform that Justus has given me on over my clothes. He shoves a dented tablet and a cart filled with cleaning supplies in my direction. A flimsy disguise.

"Go," he says. "I'll delay the police. My dad and his friends will help you get out."

The part of my mind not frozen by the horrible thing I've done notices the seven Throwbacks on Aft's team who are in place to escort Harriet and me out of the Showbox through a garage used to transport shipments of food and goods to the theater. We ditch the props Justus gave us before leaving.

One of Aft's team, a Dean clone type with long hair, comes with us as we take off into the darkness. He takes us on a serpentine route through Seattle to throw off anyone who might be following us.

After an hour of jogging, he stops on a dark corner. "There is a safe house—"

"That isn't necessary," Harriet says. I'm grateful for her command of the situation because my mind is mush. "We have somewhere we can go."

The Dean nods. "Aft will be in touch with you when things settle down."

Harriet tugs me toward an entrance to the Lab. As I follow her, my limbs begin to shake. First it's my hands, then my knees, and finally, my chest. I collapse on the ground, heaving dry, racking sobs.

Harriet cradles me, making soothing noises. "Bow beneath your burden. Do not break."

Harriet takes me to a part of the Lab I've never seen before. It's in worse shape than the other tunnels, and there are cave-ins in more than one area. Harriet goes through a doorway that is barely visible against the gray wall.

It's completely dark inside, until she lights real candles that are in nooks all over the walls of the small room. I've never seen real firelight before. It's neat and cozy in here, with a pile of blankets and pillows for sleeping and a stack of books lining one of the walls.

"I found this room when I got lost in the Lab once," Harriet says, her voice like a bell in my foggy mind. "I decided to make it my own. I wanted a place to come when I was in danger or needed to get away from the world. Even after I thought my life underground was over, I found myself returning here sometimes."

I step closer to one of the flickering candles, letting it hypnotize me. "Thank you for sharing it with me."

Harriet settles into the blankets. "Right now, you are the only person I trust because I saw your reaction to those horrible murders our rebellion carried out."

"Did everyone else know? Marie? Sun? Nic?"

Harriet is quiet for a long time. "We'll have to figure out who we can trust."

I remember the rambling lectures from Jo that Harriet and I watched and rewatched over the past few weeks on her ancient tablet. I'd been so sure she'd been paranoid about her suspicions that Crew was headed down a destructive path.

"We have to right the wrongs that happened tonight. I'm going to turn myself in."

"That would be the easy thing to do," Harriet replies. "That's why I know you won't do it. The hard thing to do is to take down Crew and his team and somehow rebuild the fractured Throwback rebellion."