Beyond (Simon Snow Series)

Valentine's Day

BAZ
Snow is standing there when I open the door.

Messy curls and blue eyes dart up when he hears me come in.

"Snow?"

He palms at the back of his neck. "Baz—" he says, startled, even though it looks as if he's been waiting for me for some time. "You..." he takes a shakeup breath.

Snow is dressed in a black suit with white trim around the edges. A rose is sticking out of the suit
pocket. Someone has cleaned him up well, but his wings are still sticking out of his suit, and his tail is swishing back and forth.

He's holding a bouquet behind his back, then holds them up in front of him— like he'd forgotten he'd been holding them— when he sees me eyeing them.

"These," his eyes dart down and then back up. "They're for you," Snow says.

I step forward and take them from him, catching his other hand before it falls.

"You, you bought flowers?"

His head snaps up. "You don't like them?"

"No," I say quickly. "That's not what I meant. You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to," he says, much calmer than before. "I thought we could have a movie night?"

"In suits?"

"Well, I just kinda ran out of ideas and—"

"Relax, Snow." I laugh. He's shuffling now. "Hey, I love that idea."

He smiles, and it's so good to see that I almost forget what I'm doing.

"I'll go change and put these in water."

Snow nods, and I go to fish a vase out of one of the cupboards, filling it with water and then sliding the bouquet of blood-red roses into it and placing it on the counter. When I came back, Snow is standing next to the couch, clearly having second thoughts now about watching movies in suits, at home, on Valentine's Day.

I gesture for him to sit.

He does.

I sit down next to him and watch as he fiddles with the remote.

"What do you want to watch?" he asks.

"Whatever you'd like," I say.

I see a focused expression on his face and decide to take a risk. I lean over, and he doesn't move. I pull his attention away from the telly and kiss his cheek.

He lets me.

Then he shifts his gaze, down. "I... I want to be here for you," he says. "But, I-I don't know how to anymore."

"I hate seeing you like this," it's a whisper, but I manage to push it out firmly.

Just be here. Now. With me. Be here with me. Please...

He leans in and rests his head on my chest.

"I just, it's been so hard since..."

I wrap my arms around him and hold him tightly, trying to fend off everything he's been feeling the past few months; everything that has kept us at a distance.

"I don't want to feel so far away from you," I say, maybe too soft.

Snow's silent. All I can feel is his breathing, slow and labored on my own chest.

"Simon, you know I love you, right?"

He's quiet for a long time. When he does speak, I'm terrified of what he might say.

"Baz, you don't... you don't have to stay here. You don't have to stay, with me, I mean. I know you probably don't..."

I stop him. I don't want to know where this might lead us.

I wrap my legs around his and pull him into me. We're laying down, his head against my chest.

"Simon," I say. "I do. I want to. I've always wanted to be here. And now that I am, I'm not letting you go."

I won't let him slip away from me. I don't care what could happen. I mean, what could be worse the what's already happened? I don't care what he thinks. I'm staying.

Then I pull him into a deep kiss, it's so good, and I never want it to end.