Disconnected

Nineteen

Double update read 18!
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To: Animal Girl
From: Band Boy

Tilly, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. I got jealous, and I was wrong. I get it, I understand you had someone who was that important to your life before me. And I am not trying to push him out of your life. I just, I was caught off guard. I didn't expect your engagement ring to be what you grabbed. I don't mind that you have it. In fact I do think it's nice you still do. (Please, do not start wearing it again though.)

I hope you know this is hard for me too. I'm trying to be everything you need, but sharing you with someone who has been immortalized in your eyes is fucking hard. How can I ever live up to what T was. How can I ever compete? And it does sting a little knowing that I won't ever be the only man in your heart. I completely understand why T will always be there too, and I'm okay with it. But I'm still human too. And sometimes it is going to really be hard to handle those things. But I will do my best. And I am sorry for yelling, for making your feelings and past seem unimportant.

You are special, Tilly, you make me happier than anyone else ever has. I want to be with you, I want to get back to what we had the night before, to calming you down and talking until you fell asleep. I want to get back to you giggling at cute and calling me your boyfriend. I want to be perfect for you, but I'm not a perfect person unfortunatly. But I will try my hardest to be the person you need. I'm sorry I slipped up. If I could take it back I would.

Please email me back, AG... I miss you.

I'm in Glasgow tonight for a show, my dad's Scottish, I don't know if I told you that before, so I have some family coming out. We're in Liverpool tomorrow, and then headed to mainland Europe to continue the tour.

Please, AG, talk to me...

Calum, The band boy

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To: Animal Girl
From: Band Boy

I get it, your mad. I deserve it. But how am I supposed to make this up to you, fix it, if you won't talk to me?

Please, please! Don't through is away over one mistake I made. I know it was big, and I wish I could take it back.

Please Tilly?

We are in Munich, headed for Zurich then off to another stop.

It's been seven days since I got to talk to you and I'm going crazy.

I miss you, AG.

Calum, the band boy

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To: Animal Girl
From: Band Boy

If you trying to get me to stop responding by not replying then you're out of luck. I'm fighting for this, AG. I'm fighting for us. If it takes tracking you down between tour legs, if it means acting a fool for everyone to see.

I am not giving up on us, AG. And I hope you don't either, we are special and I think you know that.

How's your dad? Are you holding up okay after fighting with your mom? Are you still in New York with your family? Or off on some adventure elsewhere?

Wherever you are, I hope you're safe. I hope you're enjoying what you're doing. And I hope you're thinking of me. No matter how selfish that sounds.

And please, do not hesitate to call if you need me this week. I promise normal Calum will answer, not asshole Calum.

I'm in Prague tonight for the show, then off to Vienna.

I miss you more and more as this silence grows longer.