Straight Circle

chapter nine

Lisa is really good at ignoring me.

I am not usually the type of girl who cares about what people think of me. Working in a modeling agency for a decade has taught me that I shouldn't care about others for my well-being. Everyone judges everyone for anything in this industry full of hypocrites. If I'm pretty enough then I can be an arrogant bitch, it would not be a problem. Beauty is more important than what's inside. I wish we can start appreciate model for their personality instead of the size of their body.

A major part of my career made me realized that I should not worry about how people perceived me because it will always disappoint me. Most of my colleagues are superficial and hypocrites.

Everyone in this industry wants to be the best of the best.

The photographer's favorite will be instinctively hated by other models. My cat-like eyes are my greatest charm and photographers love to compliment me on that. This led to have a bunch of jealous co-workers. Eager to have my success, they lowered me behind my back.

Over time and a lot of tears from mine, I have built a shell strong enough to push away those who want to get closer to me or hurt my feelings.

I had hoped that Lisa was not one of those people, but she is starting to be really good at hurting me.

"Good night, Wifey," Chaeyoung says to me before placing a quick kiss on my forehead.

I don't have time to add anything as she runs into her room and closes the door behind her. A smile plastered on my lips, I keep on walking in the corridor towards my room. Then, out of nowhere, I meet Lisa's brown chocolate eyes.

We look at each other. I know she sees me and she knows I see her. Will she continue to ignore me? This question quickly finds its answer when she lowers her eyes before heading to her room. Without thinking for more than a second, I follow her and go into her room - without her permission. I am greeted by the darkness of the place and a look that is not pleased to see me. The light in the corridor is the only source of light that allows me to see her silhouette. I don't know why I am doing here.

It is surely the alcohol in my veins which gives me the courage to face her.

"Your room is next door," she tells me and crosses her arms.

She arches an eyebrow and tilts her head to the side to be intimidating. It's not working. She just looks cute trying to be tough. I pinch my lips and close the door behind me so that we are completely plunged into the darkness of her room.

"Are you going to ignore me for the rest of your life?" I ask her.

I walk towards her until the distance between us becomes thin. She wasn't expected me to come this close to her so she takes a step back and widen her eyes in surprise.

"No," she responds to me but it sounds more like a question than an affirmation.

She shakes her head to emphasize her answer but all I can see is how she feels tense around me. Am I making her uncomfortable? It feels like she is starting to be nervous each time our eyes meet. I notice that Lisa can be a shy girl even if she is usually loud and extrovert. There's a few times in which I saw her blushing or stuttering.

"You're a grown girl. You don't have to avoid me just because I disagree with you on one thing." I cross my arms and look at her to see her reaction.

"I'm not avoiding you," she says before laying on her bed and puts the white sheet on her slender body. "I'm tired. Can you close the door when you'll leave?"

I know she wants me out of her room because she is not her pyjamas and she hates to sleep in a tight jean. I arch an eyebrow and wait for her to turn around. After a few seconds, she lets out a deep sigh and takes off her blanket.

"I'm not leaving," I inform her.

She frowns before staring at me in annoyance.

"I guess I have to leave my own room," she says with bitter tone and gets up from her bed.

"You're not going anywhere."

I press my hands on her shoulders to force her sit down on her soft mattress. She bites her plump lips looking nervous once again and I sigh in exasperation.

"Stop ignoring me. That's all I'm asking," I admit.

She scans my eyes and my stomach begins to twist when her round brown eyes begin to blur.

"Do you find me disgusting?" she asks me and I can hear her voice cracking a little bit at the end.

I remain silent because I have no idea what to say. I wish I could ease her pain but I can't. For five years, I have been fighting against the community she pretends to belong. I have developed a strong hatred for these people to the point that they're making me sick. I can't lie to her and say that I don't find her disgusting for supporting this state of mind. Nothing is right about them.

Lisa looks down at her fingers, "That's what I thought," she whispers to herself.

When she is about to leave the room, I grab her wrist and turn her to look at me. I am taken back from the sight of stray tears rolling down on her cheeks.

I should not feel guilty but I hate myself for making her cry.