help me bury my shame

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( thank you all for 590 reads!!! I love uuuu, hNNgsh 💞 )

chapter nineteen

Mordecai opened his eyes, and he was swimming in darkness. It danced around him like the shadows had, and when he opened his mouth, no words seemed to leave. Only the silent gasping breath that choked his words. He was scared, and his heart twisted painfully with a feeling of dread.

"Mordecai!"

His name was loud in his ears, and as Mordecai turned his body, it truly felt like he was in water. But he could breathe. He could move. Just only in slow motion.

Anxiety pulled at his heart again, and he forced his eyes closed. The world spun around him, and voices echoed in his head. Throbbing.

"Mordecai!"

His ears began to ring, and he jerked his head upwards, trying to speak. But to no avail. He slowly let out a breath, and the words continued.

"Mordecai! Dude! Can you hear me?"

The voice belonged to Rigby, and an immense feeling of relief filled his heart. He wanted to hold his friend and reassure him. Yes, he was okay. He was just going through one of his episodes of existential panic.

In a way.

The blue jay's eyes shot open and he found himself laying on the floor of Skips' house, gasping for breath. He turned his blue gaze to the right and met his orbs with Rigby's, whose widened with small relief. Mordecai tried to sit up.

"Dude! Are you okay?" Rigby asked, eyes still wide, and the blue jay grunted.

"Wha--?" He was cut off when he saw a familiar figure still standing slightly in front of the door. The goat jumped when their eyes were on him, and he quickly began to stammer.

"Mordecai! D-did I scare you? I'm so sorry!"

"Thomas, what are you doing here?" Mordecai exclaimed, and it came out a bit panicked and annoyed. He didn't mean it to. But maybe Thomas did scare him. He wasn't sure.

There was an uncomfortable silence, and Thomas looked between Rigby and Mordecai for an awkward moment. His eyes were gleaming slightly, excited to reunite with his supposed friends, but he still looked guilty. "I saw Skips' light was on," he explained, then, walked closer to the two, "And I got curious. Besides, I was in the forest at the time, and--"

"Wait, why?" Rigby asked.

Thomas stared at Rigby for a long moment, his eyes wide as if sharing a silent conversation with him. The silence that time was longer, until the goat cleared his throat, and began again.

"It is scary out there. Almost as if the summer is speaking something to me..." his voice trailed away.

"Wait... Thomas that makes no sense," Mordecai said, "Are you okay, dude?"

The goat laughed at this, as if it was the funniest joke in the world. "Just let me finish, Mordecai. I promise I'll get there," he said, "But you see, I was in the forest running some errands and then the hill-- it glows! A red aura, that clouds the entire pond..."

Mordecai looked at Rigby, who stared back, eyes wide and filled with fear.

"...and so I thought, maybe Skips knows about this," the goat sat down in front of Mordecai, and grabbed his wrists, "And I saw the light and came inside and then you fainted! Are you two okay?" He looked to Rigby, and pulled away from Mordecai in a sheepish manner.

The blue jay cleared his throat. "We're fine," he assured, trying to get up. But his legs were shaking like Jello, uncomfortably fast, so he plopped back down. "Don't worry. We just saw..." his voice trailed away, and expected Rigby to finish for him like he usually did. But the raccoon never spoke.

"Are... are you sure?" Thomas pressed on, "You two look like you've seen a demon!"

Rigby's head shot up so suddenly, that Mordecai had to glance over at his friend. The other frowned, and his eyes were filled with a sudden fear and a hint of anger. "Why did you say demon? Did you see one out there?" He demanded, a little harsher than Mordecai expected.

"Er... n-no? I just said what came to mind first," Thomas responded, wincing some at Rigby's sudden hostile demeanor, and the raccoon sighed, curling up into a tense, shaking position.

Mordecai felt himself wince some, and the silence returned, awkward and weighing. He turned Thomas with a small, apologetic glance that he seemed to get almost immediately-- Mordecai knew he was better with eyes than he was with words.

"Hey, well..." Thomas took a deep breath, "I can see you two are going through a lot. Just be careful, alright?" He sounded a bit soft, and then he rose to his feet, making his way to the door.
Mordecai was relieved he didn't pester them with questions, and Rigby seemed so too. He let out a small sigh.

"Thanks, Thomas," Mordecai mumbled, and he suddenly felt exhausted. He wanted to crawl back into his shadowy world, and swim in the darkness once more. Just to feel the slow, rolling anxiety that weighed him down, but opened his mind. He needed to think about the shadows, the demon, Rigby's chains...

"Also," Thomas opened the door, and suddenly his eyes grew firm, "Do not go to the hill. Do you hear me? One step and something bad will happen..." he swallowed, and Mordecai's eyes were wide.

"Uh... o-okay."

The goat softened then, and then disappeared back into the night.

Mordecai glanced at Rigby, who immediately sprang to his feet. He approached the symbol on the wall again, and Mordecai yelped, "Dude, be careful!"

"I want to know what this nefarious, stupid marking has to do with Skips' disappearance and the demon's stupid plans!" The raccoon spat, angrily. He reached out to touch it, but Mordecai was quick to rise to his feet and pull him back, into the safety of his wings.

"Just let it go!" He cried, "We can investigate this later. But I'm not letting you get hurt. Thomas was... he was right. We can't let anything bad happen."

"But... but Mordecai..." Rigby gripped tightly onto the bird's arms, and looked down. Mordecai couldn't tell, but he knew tears were brimming the other's eyes. All he needed to hear was the invulnerability in his voice, "Thomas said the hill... the demon is..." He couldn't seem to continue.

And this made Mordecai's heart wrench, violently, and he crouched down so he could hug Rigby. Tears filled his own eyes.

"Dude, let's go home. I promise I'll protect you. Okay?" He whispered.

He felt Rigby hug him back, and a small whisper escape the other's lips.

"Okay."

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