sweet talk

they can't handle the flame

( hahaha where is this going? )

chapter twenty-one

They were quiet after that. Not necessarily because they were troubled, still, drowning in their worries and fears, still tearing each other down with anger. Not because the demon seemed to silence them both, because they were both scared for themselves and each other. But because they were upset.

Mordecai was upset, especially, knowing that he had hurt Rigby. And as he raked the leaves out front at noon, by himself, his anxieties began to eat him whole. He raked faster.

The music that blared from his earbuds seemed to mock him in a way, and he raked even faster. Pretty soon the twines of the rake started to bend, and Mordecai raked with so much force that they snapped in half, nearly flying into his face. He yelped and dodged them before flinging down the rake in anger, but mainly towards himself.

His hands shook, and he tried to focus on the music.

"And it starts sometime around midnight, or at least that's when you lose yourself..."

Mordecai knew he couldn't hold onto his frustration forever. He needed to go apologize to Rigby. Turning, he headed towards the house where Rigby lay, knowing the other was still taking off for supposed sickness. He didn't care. Rigby seemed crazier and even more restless everyday, so he knew the other needed it.

"For a minute or two."

As he trekked towards the house, the summer sun beating down on him, he felt something off stir in his chest. He quickened his pace, hoping the feeling would wear off. He hated it.

Mordecai quickly opened the door and stepped inside. "Rigby? Dude?" He ascended up the stairs to their room, and turned his head to look at the door, gently placing his hand on the knob. "Rigby, listen, we need to--"

The door swung open, and Rigby was gone. All that was left was a note on Mordecai's bed. The bird's eyes grew wide, and he ran to the note, picking it up.

If you really do read this, I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm going alone. Signed, Rigby

It was short, but Mordecai felt his chest lurch as if he was just stabbed. What had he done?

----

Rigby ran through the forest, scampering on all fours as if he was running from a monster. Because maybe he was running from a monster, a monster of selfish being. A monster of fear and nefarious thoughts.

And Mordecai is taking sides with the monster.

His words echoed in his brain, as if they were all in a hollowed out cave: "I thought I did too." It didn't make sense until it was put into context, but when it did, Rigby felt anger pulse through his whole body.

He doesn't love you. He was only saying things out of pity.

Go to the pond. You deserve your final breath.

Your soul is troubled. Perfect for the demon to DESTROY.

Rigby closed his eyes as he ran, feet pounding in sync with his beating heart. He didn't realize he was crying until he felt the hot tears rolling down his cheeks. He was afraid of what was going to happen. He was scared of the voice, of the suffering.

Give them fear. Give them fear.

Rigby gasped as his feet found something cold and wet, water rushing at his belly, and he quickly stood up on two legs, eyes shooting open. He looked down to find he was at the small river in the forest. Water rushed hungrily around his legs, and he watched as bright green leaves drifted by, the summer haze filling his vision.

And then it blurred, as tears filled his vision as well.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed, "I'm sorry for making everything about me. I'm sorry for loving Mordecai. I'm sorry for the voice, for the dreams, for ruining everyone's life by being present... whatever I did, I'm sorry!"

More tears streamed down his face as the realization seemed to pull at him, slowly. He was saying this to no one.

Because he was alone. And the loneliness drowned him, slowly, the water churning at his feet cold and icy.

"I'm sorry!" Rigby yelled, louder, and he broke down into another sob, his breath hitching. Clouds rolled over the sun, shadowing over Rigby and leaving the sweat that trickled down his spine icy and cold.

He continued to cry, the world spinning around him, moving as if he didn't exist.

And the voices continued in his head, his negative thoughts pulling at his nerves.

Where was he to look? Where was he to even begin?

"Rigby!"

A voice drove through his thoughts, familiar and haunting, so much that his eyes shot open and shivers ran through his body. He turned, slowly, and saw the owner, the blue jay that had yelled at him earlier. His eyes once ablaze with frustration, were now filled with worry.

"M-Mordecai?" his breath hitched, "I thought... I... why are... you here?"

Mordecai stopped at the edge of the river, and watched Rigby, eyes wide. "Rigby, I'm sorry!" He cried, "I didn't think you'd go alone. I care about you, dude!"

"You LIAR!" Rigby shot back, turning abruptly to face the other as his sobs raked his body. "You're a liar! All I do is hold you back. All I do--" his chest lurched, "All I do is throw my problems on you."

He could see tears in Mordecai's eyes, and he could almost believe he hurt his feelings.

"I'm... I'm not lying, dude," Mordecai continued, "I don't want you to do... to do this alone. I want to help you. You never hold me back. I... I care about you--"

Nonsense. He's spewing nonsense.

"Stop! Just stop! I know what I'm doing!"

"But Rigby--"

"YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME! You don't! And I don't care either!"

"HOW CAN I NOT CARE ABOUT THE ONE I'M IN LOVE WITH?!"

Silence hung between the two, thick with tension. Even the forest birds stopped their chilling, daylight songs. Now Mordecai was crying, too, and they stood, sharing their silence together.

Because they knew they were both troubled.

"But... but you said--"

Now it was Mordecai's turn to interrupt. "I know what I said," he snapped, "But it wasn't true. I love you, Rigs."

The water continued to rush at Rigby's legs, cold against his fur. The clouds stayed over the sun. The breeze grew stronger as Rigby sobbed. A storm was coming.

And then the raccoon ran, out of the river, and sprang into Mordecai's arms, hugging him tightly. They both cried, a soundtrack playing in the ears of their life. Rigby pulled away, slightly, and Mordecai kept his hands on the other's face. "Hey, hey... it's... it's okay."

For the first time, Rigby seemed to believe him. But only for so long.

"Okay."