■▪︎The Jenga Experiment▪︎■ ✔

028

........

S.CB POV

   No one dared come near me after that, unless it was in front of the public.

   When I'd try to speak, the other members would ignore me.

   It was as if I wasn't even alive.

   I didn't feel alive.

   I didn't feel like I should be alive.

   Isolated, away from even the smallest amount of human contact.

   I craved the lightest touches, just the possibility that someone would lean an inch or two closer.

   Unwanted and alone. It hurt.

   Falling into the deepest depths of my own condensed depression, and turmoil.

   Sadness lunged at me from all sides, and at every angle a new darkness awaited.

   I started seeking new sources of solace.

   I starved myself, slept constantly, and harmed myself when no one else was around.

  They didn't notice.

   If they did they didn't care in the least.

   I cried whenever I was awake and never went to practices or rehearsals.

   I depended on the fans to an extent, but I couldn't rely on them entirely.

   This went on into twenty eighteen, and I hated myself for believing I could ever be the same.

   The incident crushed me, and although it wasn't that big of a deal, it was the first event in a series of awful decisions.

   I hated myself for being that way.

   I suppose I deserved it.

  

   (How long do you want this book to be?)