The Winter's Widow (MISHBIR VERSION)

Part Nine~

Mishti dragged the I.V. stand behind her as she searched for her husband, a smile formed on her lips when she spotted him by the sink. Her footsteps were heavy on the stairs, huffing, she sat down and slid down them instead “Bump, bump, bump” looking up, she poked her tongue out, her grin cheeky, eyes shining with a childlike innocence “Hello, Abir”.

“Hello, Mishti” he dropped to his knees before her, chest so warm with admiration as she reached for his hand and hid her eyes with it. “Boo,” he whispered when she dropped it causing her to burst into squeamish giggles.

Placing her chin on the bend of his shoulder, her breath warmed his neck when she continued to laugh, pulling back to meet his gaze, she covered his eyes “Did you miss me?” Bouncing eagerly, she led back.

“Yes” the honesty was freeing, he hadn’t expected her to become such a huge part of his life to the point where he couldn’t imagine it without her, but that was exactly what had happened. The sun was a rare occurrence here, now she’d arrived he was blessed enough to see it daily, the light in her glowed often, but her sadness pushed it back into the shadows, perhaps he was wasting his time trying to bring her back to life, but that wouldn’t stop him, the world deserved to meet the real Mishti and she deserved to see the world. “Let’s go to the sofa”.

When he turned, she looked miserable, her eyes burning with unshed tears that had already fallen far too many times in her life. “When I woke up you weren’t there” her face crumpled, nose scrunching upwards, “I thought you left me” she rose to look up at him, “But you won’t leave me, will you?”

“As long as you don’t leave me, I won’t leave you” he promised, towel drying his wet hands as he gazed upon her.

“Deal” she exclaimed happily, hand shooting out to grab his so they could shake on it. “You are a good man, Abir, but I, I am not a good man” the tip of her nose turned red when a tear dropped across it.

“No” Abir laughed lowly at her words, his hands finding solace on her shoulders “You are a good woman, not a good man” she was so silly, so similar to him that he wished he’d knew of this side of her before, it made him feel a little better about his cheesy pick-up lines and jokes that probably made no sense whatsoever.

“No” she cried out, head dropping. “I am not either” her shoulders racked sorrowfully with the pressure of guilt. She knew she could never deserve a man like him, but God, she wanted him, no one had ever looked at her the way he did, no one had ever made her feel as good as he did.

“What do you mean?” Ensuring she was looking directly at him, he held her still, “Mishti, what do you mean?” Abir searched her warm eyes like a child looking for their mother, he needed to know she was still there, that the woman he’d spent these days with was with him still.

“If I tell you, you won’t look at me like that anymore” Mishti placed her hand on his face, “And I need you to keep looking at me like that, please?” She pled.

Had she really picked up on the way he looked at her? Had it always been so obvious or was her current state making her see more clearly? “What could you possibly say that could ever make me look at you differently?” She was his wife, whatever she thought she’d done that was so bad couldn’t be as bad as she thought, they’d get through it together, it was his job to support her and he hadn’t taken his role lightly.

Stepping away before he could push her away, she fell back onto the sofa. The weight had remained on her shoulders for months now, drowning her in the soil above her husband’s dead body and raining down on her with a mocking smack. Confessing never came easy, but no one merited the truth before, now someone did, for his kindness she at least owed him that, even him lashing out had been kinder than her ex ever had been. Sighing, her head tipped back so she couldn’t see the horror written on his face “My husband's death is my fault” the emotion drifted from her tone as the words escaped.

“What? Mishti, no” his hands grabbed hers, lips kissing away her tears. “People always blame themselves when they lose someone they love, there was nothing you could’ve done to prevent it, you have to know that” it all made sense now, her distance, her fear, the poor soul had blamed herself for something that couldn’t possibly be her fault.

Shrugging away from him, she turned away “But it is” her voice was barely a whisper, “I’m a murderer, Abir and I” her eyes crushed shut, inhaling, she blew out a large breath, “I don’t regret what I did” it was said that the truth would set her free, but she’d never felt as locked down as she did in that moment.

Abir shook his head, blatantly refusing to believe her words “You’re not thinking straight, the medication is-“ his breath hitched at the boiling rage brushing through the veins in her eyes when she finally looked his way.

Silently, Mishti shook her head in the negative. “I wanted to live, I just wanted to live and I was terrified he’d kill me first if I didn’t” her eyes shut again, unable or perhaps unwilling to say the words again, “I, I tried to get away, but he found me and then it just happened, it was an accident, I didn’t do it on purpose, but because he was drunk I said he’d fell himself and they didn’t question it, I know what you must be thinking, but I, I would never do that on purpose, I, I was tired of being so scared of dying, I never wished for death until his hands were on my neck, you, you” her hands clobbered onto his collar, “You have to believe me, Abir, I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t believe me, I, I, please just say something, anything, please?”

“You just need to rest” he sat her down. “You’re talking nonsense, you couldn’t kill anyone” he was sure of that and he wouldn’t allow her to shatter that belief, he needed it just as much as he needed the Mishti he knew.

“No, Abir, listen to me” she begged, hands on his face so he’d remain eye contact, believing was part of the truth, he needed to see it too. “I want you to know the truth, I would be dead by now if you hadn’t saved my life, no one has ever, ever done that for me, I was never worth saving until you came along and made me worth it, so you deserve to know who you have saved, I don’t want you to have any misconceptions about who I am” her head dropped, breaths ragged, “I, I am not who you think I am, I’m a killer, I killed him and I would do it again if it led me to you” she shouted, her cries so loud that they bounced from wall to door and ceiling to floor. This wasn’t meant to happen this way, he was never meant to find out, but now she owed it to him, she owed everything to him, she was his for the taking, she just hoped he would take her away from the bad rather than into it.

Hitting the wall due to the continuous steps backwards, his head shook again. He couldn’t believe this, he wouldn’t believe this! His pure, innocent, kind Mishti could never be a murderer, she just wasn’t capable of it! Accepting her words meant accepting he’d never known her at all and that, he could never digest. Then as he lifted his head from his hands he saw her, like really saw her, the angelic glow around her shone brighter and her softness only seemed to increase, she was more human than he’d ever seen her before, how could he blame her for wanting to survive? It was a natural instinct every animal had, why should that be any different for her? He could not judge her on something he would never understand, he hadn’t been there, hadn’t felt her struggle, so how could he even begin to make sense of the feelings that had pushed her to that point? Her honesty of something so diabolical only made him recognize the goodness in her heart that she couldn’t see. “Where do we go from here?”

Holding the phone out to him, she smiled sadly “It’s the police, you can tell them what you like”.

Laus pulled the earphone from his ear and threw his head back “For what you’ve done to my brother, you will pay, Mishti” planting the listening device on the I.V. had been the best idea he’d ever had, now the truth serum had kicked in, he knew exactly what to do and how to do it, but before he did it he needed to test one last thing, then he would begin the game of making her a widow always rather than a widow once.

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Rhea
https://uniofglos.blog/equality/2020/02/26/his-honour/