The Winter's Widow (MISHBIR VERSION)

Part Ten~

With the slam of the phone on the hook came the slam of Mishti’s small body on the wooden floor, her head bashed on the edge of the coffee table with an uncertainty that spoke of her own dread of what she would awake to when this nightmare was over. The pull of Saul’s voice took her back to far too many nights ago when it ended, when it began and when she was reborn as the victim of the dead.

Her body stiffened atop the plush duvet that offered little comfort to her cracked ribs, with each breath she took the blood beneath her skin pulsed and pooled till she was nothing but remnants of his knuckles, fingerprints and palms. One eye seemed glued shut, thick and ripped all at once as the lashes searched for freedom atop her cheekbones, then she heard it again, his heavy footsteps and his far too sweet voice:

“Silly girl” he cooed, hanging over her like a noose that would never provide her with the satisfaction of tightening around her neck. “I told you not to be home late, but you didn’t listen and when you don’t listen, well” he exhaled, “Well I have to teach you a lesson”.

Groaning into his hold as he pulled her to her feet, she limped sluggishly behind him “Saul, please” she hated this part the most, the bit when he made every effort to show her just how sorry he was by pushing her face into a pillow, whispering sweet nothings into her ear and ripping off his belt so his trousers would fall past his knees.

“I love it when you beg” Saul cupped her face, “But save that for when I apologise”.

Crying didn’t really happen anymore, perhaps it was the dehydration due to the days he’d shove her in a cupboard and lock the door? Or, maybe the energy to produce a tear had drained from her system many moons ago? “I don’t want this” her wrist spun between his fingers, bashing against her thigh when he dropped it.

“Mishti” he tutted, eyes so kind and alluring that it took her breath away when they darkened like the gloomy clouds looming over the bed. “I don’t want to be angry, I want to make love to you, let me” it wasn’t a request, more a thinly veiled order that would end in deadly repercussions if she refused.

“I can’t” and she couldn’t, not again, not this time, her entire form was sore and the bruises lined across the areas most private caused her more pain each and every time she fell upon a toilet seat, the blood dripping across the ceramic bowl till it stained it maroon. Stepping back till her spine flinched from the impact of the bannister, her head shook “I can’t, please, please don’t make me?”

His teeth gnashed together, jaw straight as he grabbed her upper arm “Are you calling me a rapist?” The alcohol on his breath flowered over her cuts till they burnt.

“No, no” she cried, hair whipping her cheeks “No” but this was a lost cause, it was surrender to survive, but she couldn’t, not today.

When Saul lunged for her, she moved, swiping to the side away from his grasp so he could only hold onto thin air.

His left foot bent, feet toppling over one another till his arms flailed in need for her hand that she couldn’t give fast enough, his back went out first, neck choking on the railing and his torso flipping backwards so when he bounced on the last three stairs he landed with his arms beneath him and his left leg bent awkwardly.

Mishti gasped, hands shaking as they crowded her lips, then she ran, jumping from one stair to another so she could fall to her knees beside him “Saul, Saul” shaking him, she leant her ear over his lips “No, no, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, please wake up, please wake up” she shook with the force of her cries that sounded like his name, hot tears soaking her skin in what had been freed now he’d been taken. Lying beside him, she wrapped his arms around her waist and basked in the warmth of the only home she’d ever known, his signature phrase running a mockery through her brain:

“Silly girl”.

Shooting up from her slumber, her eyes traced the room for the solace she had recently found, a relaxed breath escaped her when she made out the lining of his figure in the darkness on the seat beside the four-poster bed. Swinging her legs over the edge, she tiptoed shakily toward the bathroom, threw the seat upwards and allowed the bile that had crawled up her throat to be released, yellowy water plopped from her parched, choking lips with each hurl that made her stomach constrict till nothing was left, but still, she went on, only freezing when a warm hand clasped her hair and held it up while the other rubbed her back.

“It’s okay, it’s okay” Abir soothed, his husky voice echoing in the silence. “You have a concussion, just let it out”.

Turning to face him, she brushed the back of her hand past her dry lips as beads of sweat glistened on her pale skin “I, I’m sorry” she hated him to see her so weak and so vulnerable, especially after what she had so recently revealed to him, now there was no going back, he knew her for the monster she was, yet somehow he still sat beside her, legs wound around her as if keeping her safe from anything and everything.

“You have nothing to be sorry for” he smiled kindly as he helped her up and flushed the toilet, “Silly girl”.

Her blood hardened in her veins until ice consumed her flesh, spinning on her heel to look up at him, she scurried back onto the bed and brought her knees to her chest, nails scratching into the skin on the back of her hand. Mishti’s vision blurred across the belt that hung over the door handle and his hand that sat so close to it. Though a part of her wanted to run, she knew this was what she deserved, ever so slowly she let go of her legs and turned so she was led on her front, her body still and her face crumpled into the pillow.

His brows knitted, he was sure the medication had worn off by now, but that didn’t really explain her actions, had the two hits on the head had a bigger impact than he realised? “Uh, Mishti” he stopped by the bed, “I was hoping we could” he paused, now wasn’t the time to discuss what she’d said, it was late and she needed to rest. Pulling the blanket over her, he grabbed his night clothes “I’m going to sleep downstairs” he whispered.

Of course, it made sense that he would be disgusted by her, why would he ever want anything different with her? Unable to stop herself from voicing her concern, her words came out muffled: “I’ve disgusted you, haven’t I?”

Her words halted him in his steps “Disgusted me, what?” Kneeling down, he moved her hair from her face “Oh, Mishti” he frowned, “Never, that’s what I wanted to talk about, I understand how difficult it is to talk about abuse and I am more than grateful that you felt like you could trust me with something that haunts you, I don’t blame you for what you did, we all are just trying to survive, we all do it differently, it isn’t about the future, it’s about the now and you did what you had to, to live, I am” his voice cracked, “Mishti, I’m proud of you and even prouder that you are my wife” when he didn’t hear a response, he turned her over “Oh, trust me to talk you to sleep, that boring am I?” Abir laughed throatily “I’m going to pretend for my own benefit that my voice is like a lullaby that sent you to a deep sleep” stroking his fingers across her cheek, he pressed his lips to her hair, “Goodnight, Mishti”.

Oatie bounded onto the bed beside her, tongue out and tail wagging happily.

“I get it” he nodded, “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be either” looking between them, he pulled the door shut.

Happy ten chapters! I can’t believe we got here so quickly, I kinda feel a bit emotional! So sorry for the long update, I was a busy bee, but I’m back now- woohoo! Maybe I’m the only one excited about my return, but that’s cool, if you can’t be happy for yourself then who will be? I feel like Mishti when she slid down the stairs “Did you miss me?”

Like Abir, I hope you all say: “Yes!”