masochist // h.s

20; HEAVY HEARTS AND MINDS ASKEW

:: 20

why are we staring outside the window everyday

thinking about our hopes and dreams

when there might not even be an earth tomorrow

-

/ florence /

"Flor," Harry hissed from beside me.

"Mmm..." I murmured.

"Florence!" he yelled.

"What?!"

"Castle Rock has barges." he mused.

"Yes?" I nodded unintelligibly.

"I didn't know that." he said. "I've been living here for six weeks. I didn't know there were barges."

I sent him a look. "Castle Rock is surrounded by water on three sides."

"Hence the barges...Now I have to like it here. I wasn't planning on liking it here," he reprimanded with a dubious frown. "I'm genetically engineered to dislike everywhere, except San Francisco." He looked at me and huffed. "I now have a thing for barges."

I rolled my eyes.

He leaned down and sent my heart into convulsions with the touch of his lips. "I've wanted to do that for way too long."

"I've needed you to do that for way too long," I breathed.

"So we're kissing but we're not dating?" He studied me intently.

"I knew that was going to come up."

"Don't get me wrong: I like the kissing. I'm all for the kissing. More kissing, I say." He smiled cheekily.

"I have no idea what that was about."

Cue another cheeky grin. "Is it going to happen again? Let me know next time. I'll bring breath mints. Maybe put a condom in my pocket." He leaned ever closer, wiggling his eyebrows like an errant child.

I swatted at his arm. "Just stop it right now. "

For several minutes, we stood silently next to each other basking in the cool weather that lapped nicely around the railway station, awaiting the next stop to come. I closed my eyes, and breathed in the soft cool air.

Harry cleared his throat. "So...it is intense...this thing I have..... for barges, I mean."

I groaned and briskly made my way out of the station. "That's it. I'm walking to school."

-

Spencer and I entered the cafeteria, alone this time. We sat in our usual seats in an almost uncomfortable silence. I stared at the ceilings, contemplating whether I should tell Spencer or not. I huffed in frustration and looked at Spencer, who was busily chewing on her sandwich.

"I kissed Harry." I said, swallowing thickly.

Spencer stopped midbite. "You kissed Harry?"

"In the train station."

"...Why'd you kiss him in the train station?" She questioned, with knotted eyebrows.

"I was having a bad day," I squirmed. "I am having a bad day."

She laughed quietly to herself. "This is what you do on your bad days, kiss Harry?"

I pondered what she said. "Well, you know that and having to go through seven hours of this," I waved my hands airily around me, "just makes everything bright and shiny."

Suddenly, Spencer's eyes popped inexplicably, her mouth dropped in awe as she gaped wonderingly at something behind me. I turned around and looked back at Spencer only to find her eyes following a girl holding something that looked like an inflatable toy.

I peered wearily at Spencer. "...Are you okay?"

She stared at me, startled out of her reverie. "Did you see that girl...what she was carrying?"

I shrugged and began picking at my food. "Yeah, a toy. What's the big deal?"

She shook her head, scoffing. "No, Florence. That wasn't just any toy. It was a Judy doll."

I stared blankly at her.

"My mother used to buy me Judy dolls," She hummed in nostalgia. "Manhattan Judy, Surfer Judy, Disco Judy."

"That's nice...," I tried to respond enthusiastically for her, but failed.

"I used to dissect them a lot when I was a kid," she continued, not bothering to acknowledge what I said. "Cut off their arms and shaved their heads."

I glanced at her worriedly. "Sounds like there's a sick and twisted story behind this."

She nodded hard in agreement. "They're sexist, distorted, devil toys that create unrealistic image-expectations catering to the porn-driven minds of men!"

I recoiled in confusion. "You swallow a bitter pill this morning?" A frazzled pause. "Spencer? They're dolls."

-

I took a step out of the train platform, more than happy that this day was finally taking on its end. Well that was before I felt five unexpected fingers sink into my skin, yanking me backwards.

"Aren't you going to wait for me at least?" Harry asked, accompanied with a concerned smile.

"Sorry?" I sucked in a breath.

I didn't feel like there was anything to say or do so I just kept on walking in reticence, with Harry by my side, our hands brushing against each other lighting up something I didn't even know existed inside of me.

"It's not the chase."

I glanced up at him having no idea what he was saying. "What?"

"You and me. It is not the thrill of the chase." He swallowed nervously. "It's not a game. It's... it's your tiny, ineffectual fists. And your hair."

My heart thrummed in my chest and butterflies danced around in my stomach. "My hair?"

"It smells nice," He grinned, and a rush of heat filled my cheeks when his mouth formed that perfect smile. "And you're very, very bossy. It keeps me in line."

I laughed and glanced defiantly up at him, ignoring my knees buckling and my bones rattling. "I'm still not going out with you."

"You say that now."