Maybe This Is Love, |✔️

Chapter 12

Wednesday is arguably the most boring day of the week. The only good thing to come out of a Wednesday is the fact that Shakespeare was baptised on one in 1564 and that's about it.

I groggily wake up to Caesar's furry little butt in my face and the sound of my papa's voice that I had set as my alarm. It always made me happier in the morning when I remember how Papa would march into my room at 7 am belting out made-up songs just to get me out of bed.
That was when he wasn't so bad. When he was good. It used to annoy me when he was alive but right now I would give anything to hear that voice again.

I gently push him off and ready myself for the day. I plan on going straight to school on my bike.
I don't bother putting on any make-up. I throw on an old Batman T-shirt that I got from the salvation army about a year ago and a simple pair of jeans. I tell myself not to wait and see whether Parker would pick me up or not.

I don't want to face him after crying all over his shoulder yesterday following the whole debacle in lunch. He was so sweet about everything and had waited until the nurse had given me the okay before he went to Headmaster Holloway's office. He was so worried about me that it made me kind of uncomfortable, I've never had a friend who cared about me that much.

I didn't feel like talking to anyone but a part of me feels guilty about potentially keeping him waiting outside of my house. That's if he even bothers to come.

I've gotten about a dozen missed calls from him since yesterday. None of which I've returned. I don't know what I would say to him, he's probably worried about me and I'm making it worse by ignoring him. I feel somehow responsible for the whole fight with Brett.

I try not to think about him as I pedal to school. I try not to think about anything and concentrate on my wheels rolling across the ground.

The sunshine warmed my face as I rode through town. I could already feel my mood lifting. My T-shirt clung close to my skin like glue, my chest already slick with sweat. It felt good. It felt great. I've loved bike riding ever since I was a kid. I used to pretend I was flying if I removed both my hands from the handlebars and rode with only my feet on the pedals. I thought I was some sort of magician because I could cycle with no hands. It was the only time I felt like a superhero.

I remember always begging Silas to race me in the park when we were little and of course he'd always let me win. I sigh.

At times like this, I really miss my brother. I miss having someone to talk to. Someone to reassure me and tell me that everything's going to be alright.

I wonder what he's up to now. Probably sleeping.

Finally, I arrive at school. I chain my bike in the crappy parking stands that could only fit four bikes and head towards the front gates. I made a mental note to slip a query in the complaints box about the lack of space for bikes in the parking spots.

Beaumont Hill School was the only sixth form in the area that was built like a huge ridiculous castle. The building is so old, the floorboards creaked when you walk on it.

When I first came here, I used to pretend that I was in Hogwarts and it was time for me to finally learn how to become a witch.

The reality was much, much worse.

As I walk through the corridor, I immediately notice the stares and whispers. My stomach plummets. This can't be happening again.
The day after the whole anxiety attack incident in the cafeteria was the same. All the looks, the giggles and the pointing.

I felt so much shame over a part of me I had no control over.

I suddenly wish that I had never met Parker, that I never spoke to him so that all this attention I'm getting for just being associated with him would go away. I could go back to being a perfectly invisible wallflower.