To Catch You - nabrina au

love you goodbye

NICK

I laid there, staring at Sabrina's all too familiar ceiling, trying to forget the reality of our current situation. It would be one of the last times that we're together before we leave for college.

I felt Sabrina begin to squirm and toss and turn in a stressed manner.

"Hey," I said, pushing her hair behind her ear. "You okay?"

"Honestly?" Sabrina replied. "Not really."

"What's on your mind, babe?" I asked.

Sabrina sighed and began to shake her head.

"Nick," she said. "You leave in three days."

"I know," I sighed.

"You're just, going to be gone," she explained. "For so long."

"I know, baby," I said.

"I don't know if I'm going to be able to handle it," she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

I watched Sabrina try to gather herself, finding the words to say. It made my stomach sink.

"I don't think I can survive," she said. "Still trying to be together while you're so far away for so long. I just don't think I'll be able to do it."

"I won't go," I said.

"What?" Sabrina croaked.

"I'll give it all up," I said. "Right here. I mean it, Sabrina. Just ask me to, and I'll do it."

"Nick," she cried. "I could never ask you to do that, and I will never ask that of you. I won't."

I swallowed, hard. That wasn't exactly the response I was hoping for.

"Why not?" I asked. "Don't you want me to stay?"

"Are you kidding me?" Sabrina asked. "I would love nothing more, but do you know how incredibly selfish that would be of me? I'd never forgive myself if you did. I've said this from day one, Nick, I don't ever want to be in your way."

"Sabrina," I sighed. "Can't you see it? You've never been in my way, you are my way."

Sabrina sighed, wiping the tears that continued to fall down her cheeks away.

"You're really killing me, Nick," she said.

"We don't have to do this right now," I assured.

"No," she said, sniffling softly. "That's the thing, I think we do."

A lump began to rise in my throat. It was if my greatest fears were all coming alive right here, right now.

"What exactly do you mean?" I asked.

Sabrina took in a deep, rather shaky breath and seemed to struggle to find the words to say as she opened her mouth.

"I think it's time for us to let go of each other."

In that moment, I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. My chest was in severe physical pain. It literally felt like someone had just stabbed me in the chest.

"Are you suggesting that we... need to break up?"

"I think we don't have a choice."

In that very moment, I felt those tears well up in my eyes, and they began to spill. I tried to wipe them away as quickly as possible and try to maintain my composure.

I couldn't even believe that this was happening. I may not be the king of relationships but I do know one thing: people break up because they fall out of love, they don't break up because they're still in love. That's not how this works, right?

"You know," I said. "I always believed that you'd never hurt me. But I guess things really do change, huh?"

"Do you realize I'm hurting myself just as much," Sabrina sighed. "If not more? I don't like this any more than you do, Nick. But I know it's what we have to do. There's no easy way out that's the right way to go."

"I gave you everything I had," I sighed. "Every ounce of my heart, soul and being belonged to you."

"Same goes for you," she said. "You meant and still mean more to me than you'll ever know."

"Why is this so hard?" I asked.

"Because it's what we know we have to do," Sabrina explained. "Neither of us want it. No ounce of either of our beings has ever wanted this, but we can't avoid it for any longer. It's just time. It's no one's fault, things around us are just kind of falling apart."

"The universe conspired against us," I sighed. "With these circumstances. There's no way we could've won."

"I disagree," she argued. "Nick, baby, we already won. We loved each other, and we had the most beautiful relationship together, and I'll cherish it forever. Is that not a victory to you?"

I sighed. As memories and flashbacks of our relationship played in the back of my mind, I realized she was right. But I also realized that she was my big break.

From the moment I first laid eyes on her, to the first time she spoke to me, our first rehearsal, our first kiss, our final scene, sunset dates and all the times in between.

Me deciding the pursue her in the beginning ended up being a choice that changed my whole life for the better. And that's something I'll never fully be able to wrap my head around.

"No," I agreed. "You're right. It is."

"I'm gonna miss you," she said.

"I'm gonna miss you more," I said, pulling her in tight, one last time. "But I think I'm gonna miss us the most."

"You and me both," Sabrina murmured.

"Oh, Spellman," I sighed. "What am I gonna do without you?"

"You'll come into your own," she said. "Being apart will help us find ourselves, really. I feel like both of us will grow a lot, more than we ever really thought we would."

I nodded in agreement.

We just laid there, staring at the ceiling - not knowing what to do from here. Neither of us wanted to leave, but we knew deep down that it was probably just as wrong to stay.

Come on Nick, be strong. Even though you want to collapse on the inside, you still need to be a man, just one last time for her.

"Okay," I said, swallowing the biggest lump known to man that was rising in my throat. "I think I'm gonna go."

Sabrina nodded solemnly, and tried to gather herself as quickly as humanly possible.

"I'll walk you out."

We rolled off of the bed, stood up and I grabbed my keys, trying to find a reason not to leave. But, I knew I was already too far gone.

As I walked down the stairs, I felt my heart sink a little more with every step I took. Why did something that was right feel so incredibly wrong?

Before I knew it, we'd reached the door.

"Well," I said. "I guess this is goodbye."

"I'll see you later, Nick," Sabrina said, barely being able to make eye contact with me.

I nodded solemnly as I took her into my arms one last time, holding her closer than I ever had before.

"Goodbye, Spellman."