Tainted : Book 1

CHAPTER 8 : Rival

My father called for me later that night for dinner. He wanted us to dine together. Up to that point I'd been hiding out in my room, purposely avoiding my father.

     He sat alone at the end of the lengthy mahogany table. I stood by the arched entrance for an awkward second before I willed my body to enter.

      I was dreading this dinner.

      He cleared his throat as I approached the table, "take a seat," he ordered and without hesitation I obeyed. I sat across from him on the other side of the table. 

     We hadn't eaten a meal together in years. 

    We easily descended into awkward silence. Which was to be expected. My father had never been one for small talk. And I was too scared to talk, after our earlier conversation, my voice failed me. However the silence quickly became insufferable. It was suffocating.

      "How do you like your new school?" My father broke the silence, and I raised my head to meet his gaze, which I immediately shied away from.

      "It's okay," I mumbled returning my gaze back to my almost empty plate.

      We fell into another silence. When the end of the painfully awkward family dinner finally arrived, I rose to my feet and with a mumbled 'good night' I made my way back to my room. 

      Things between us were... awkward, at best. They had always been. My whole life my father and I had never been truly close. Our relationship was strained. And that's why I believed it was so easy for him to send me away. I had always thought he had done it because he didn't want to take care of me. My mother was the caring one, she loved me. But I had always felt like a burden around my father. I tried not to be, I always tried to do as I was told, always tried to please him but no matter what I did, it never seemed to be good enough.

      At times I thought he hated me. It's a terrible thing for a child to think. But I felt as if my father truly despised me. Why else would he treat me so coldly?

      I hated feeling so inadequate, if I could be better maybe he'd finally show me some affection. I had worked my whole life trying to please him. I got straight A's, I was well behaved, I never got into trouble, well until the expulsion. 

      I feared that stain would haunt me forever. I'd disappointed him, I knew it and I hated it. I hated feeling like a disappointment. I just wanted him to be proud of me. He was father, and like most children I craved his approval.

    I think that's also one of the reasons I never came out to him. I literally had no idea what his reaction would be. I didn't know him well enough but I feared the worst. What if he disowned me? I was completely reliant on him for all my expenses. I had no one else. The only other family I had was my aunt Jess and she lived half way across the country. He was all I had. 

     I couldn't help but feel that if my mother was still alive, things would be different. She definitely would have accepted me. 

    Once I was in my room I made quick work out of changing into my pajamas. I was curled up in bed nearing sleep when my buzzing phone brought me back to full consciousness. I fumbled for it on my bedside table as I sat up straight. 

      "H-Hello?" I said with a croaky voice. Whoever was on the other end immediately hung up at the sound of my voice. Bringing my phone back from my ear I stared at the unknown number in my call logs.