And So She Slept

Truce

Thanking the universe for Jack being the "Krystina whisperer", Sadie was glad to get a warm hug at the door to her condo. It had been two days of radio silence, and although Sadie knew Krystina might have a difference in opinion, she hoped this visit would at least help mend their relationship. Their embrace was brief, but sincere, and both knew that there was a lot to discuss.

Sitting in Krystina's living room, they looked at each other, uncertain as to who would begin. Seeing the ACCI brochures on the table, Sadie instantly knew that Krystina had spent her time researching the information as Jack had suggested. She nervously fidgeted with the edge of her long tee, and again with the white frayed hole that had begun on the right knee of her jeans. Krystina picked up the brochures and held them in her hand, as if to make them available for reference in a moment's notice. Exhaling, Sadie decided to break the silence and begin.

"I just wanted to say that I am so sorry if I upset you," she started. It was only the third disagreement they'd ever had, but easily due to the subject, it was the most intense.

"I'm sorry too. You have nothing to be sorry for. I didn't mean to be rude, and I feel terrible that I left like that. I can't imagine what you're going through, and of all people, I should not be judging anyone," Krystina laughed. She didn't have to elaborate, knowing that through her several failed business ventures and marriages, Sadie had been rock solid.

"You weren't rude. I mean, I kind of sprung it on you guys."

"Well Jesus Christ, how are you supposed to bring that up? There's no right way I can think of, trust me. I spent the last two days trying to think of how I would have done it. At least you did it with food and drinks," Krystina laughed out loud.

Leaning over in her chair, Krystina put a hand on Sadie's shoulder. Looking at each other, they shared a smile, knowing that it was never either of their intention to remain distant or broken.

"You read the info?" Sadie asked, motioning toward the brochures.

"I did. I called them too, and I talked to Carol," Krystina admitted.

"You did?"

"Yeah, and she said she gets a lot of follow up phone calls from family members for the exact same reason. I talked to her for almost an hour and she answered every question I had, and some she knew I would think of later. I learned a lot and I think I understand why you feel that this is an option for you," she explained. Tucking her short black hair behind her ear, she looked at Sadie.

"So you-"

"-I'm not saying I agree with you. I'm just saying...I don't know. I get it," Krystina interrupted, not wanting to jump on the band wagon too quickly.

"If I decide to do this, there are some things I'll have to get in order. It would really mean a lot if you and Jack could help me out. Is that something you would think about doing?" Sadie inquired honestly. She wouldn't have been angry if she received a "no", and she had no intention of forcing anyone to completely agree with her.

"Carol mentioned what you'd need. I'm ok with helping, and you know Jack would do anything you asked him to because he's Jack and you're you. There's just something I wanted to talk to you about."

"The Bucket Binder?" Sadie guessed, knowing Krystina would push it because of the amount of effort she'd put into it.

"You got it. I don't think it'll change your mind or anything, but it could give you something to think about. If you read all of the amazing things that people said about you, you'd be...well, in awe. You have no idea how much you mean to some people, and maybe they found it easier to tell you in a letter rather than in person. At least before you agree to this fully, you should read it," Krystina hinted. She didn't want to give away her brother's secret, but she felt she had to at least try.

"Ok deal. I'll read it all and then you'll help me clear my loft and get my stuff into storage? Oh, and you won't be mad at me anymore?"

"Hun, I was never mad at you at all. I just don't want you to make a decision based solely on fear and not think about all of the risks and alternatives. Carol did say there was a chance this could not work, you know," Krystina reiterated her main concern.

"I know, but I think it's worth the risk, right? What's a couple years under if it means I can pick up right where I left off ? It'll be like I really did go on a world vacation, and I'll come right back."

"Just...at least read the cards, ok? Please?" Krystina pressed once more.

"Deal. Yes, I'll read them."

Shaking hands playfully, they stood to face each other. Winding down from their tense two days of not speaking, they hugged and rocked back and forth. With the awkward hiatus at its end, they shared relief and the desire to return back to their normal relationship. Feeling comfortable to speak of her cryogenic option more openly, Sadie talked Krystina through what she needed help doing.

With honesty and sincerity, Sadie pulled a worn and folded piece of paper that she hadn't shown anyone out of her purse. It was the list of all of the final arrangements she needed to make before admitting herself into the ACCI. It looked as if she'd read it a hundred times, like an old love letter from a lost flame. Holding it protectively, she hesitated before placing it in Krystina's outstretched hand.

Reading over the scribbled list carefully, Krystina could only imagine how scary and difficult it must have been to write. She recognized a few bullet points that Carol had mentioned would need to be secured before admittance, and the others were small things someone would think of before going on a long trip. Trying to hold back the tears in her eyes, she agreed to handle the loft lease, movement of everything into a storage unit, and finally to help decide what would go with Sadie to the ACCI in her small safety deposit box to keep when she was released from cryogenic suspension.

Looking at Sadie, she knew that nothing about the next few months would be simple. And nothing about the four years of her being stored at the ACCI would be any easier. Knowing that Sadie came to this decision after so much research, and that she'd allowed it to give her a silver lining to the darkest cloud of her diagnosis, wasn't something that Krystina would take lightly. The idea that she planned her summer beach vacation while Sadie planned her last months before a risky procedure made her feel guilty.

"I can do these," Krystina agreed.

"Which ones?"

"All of them, hun. Let Jack and I take care of this stuff ok? Just read the binder, and we'll do the rest. That's what Jack wants too."

"I don't know how I can thank you enough," Sadie said, standing again with tears in her eyes. Just knowing that she had the support of the two most important people in her life made what she would go through a little less terrifying.

As Sadie left the condo, she felt a sense of calm she hadn't felt since before she'd been diagnosed. It was something she never thought she'd feel again, and now that she did, she refused to let it go.