That Beautiful Nightmare (paused)

Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4.
Mad

Yans.

It sounds very familiar to me, but I just don’t remember from whom did I heard it.

Mula nang marinig ko iyon kay Dandrei, hindi na ako natahimik. Masyado na naman akong nag-isip. Yes, I know that I just misheard what he said but some part of me is saying that I heard him right. Kaya nahahati ang isip ko ngayon. Na baka kilala na talaga ako ni Dandrei and I just don’t remember him, but that is really impossible.

Imposibleng makalimutan ko siya kung nagkakilala na kami before. Dahil once na makilala ko ang isang tao, I will never forget that person. Siguro epekto na rin ’yon ng pagkamatay ni mommy. Because after she died, hirap na akong limutin ang mga bagay-bagay lalo na kapag may nalaman ako tungkol dito.

But in our case, imposible talaga so that’s already out the ‘possibilities’.

Also, I am thinking that maybe he’s a stalker of mine? I don’t know. Medyo assuming ako sa part na ’yon but I take that as one of the ‘possibilities’. But that is also contradicting because he’s a transferee, right? Pero malay natin. Maybe he knows me and he’s looking at me from afar that I don’t know. But geez, whenever I think of that thought, I just get goosebumps. And so right now so I rubbed my arms because of it.

“Ma’am?”

Napaayos ako ng upo noon nang marinig si kuya Leo na tinitingnan pala ako sa rear view mirror.

“Nilalamig po ba kayo?” he said while driving.

Oo nga pala, pauwi na kami ngayon pero hanggang ngayon dala-dala ko pa rin sa isip ko ’yung sinabi ni Dandrei kanina. Sinabing hindi ko naman sigurado kung tama o mali pero ang dami ko na agad naiisip.

But what if the possibilities that I’m thinking aren’t true? Edi nasayang lang ang pag-ooverthink ko ’di ba? Pero patuloy ko pa rin itong ginagawa. I better stop now but I can’t. I hate the fact that I want to stop overthinking but I can’t help it. And I really don’t know why. Ugh! I hate this!

“Maam? Kung nilalamig po kayo pwede ko pong patayin ang aircon.” I was pulled to my thoughts again when kuya Leo asked for the second time.

“I know that you can turn off the aircon, okay? Just shut up and drive,” I finally answered with a pissed off tone. Ang kulit eh!

Naging tahimik na ang buong biyahe namin. And luckily hindi na ako ngayon nag-isip ng kung ano-anong bagay so I’m thankful. After a consecutive days of overthinking, finally at nagkaroon na rin ako ng break sa pag-ooverthink na ’yan. Kahit pa saglit lang.

Namalayan ko na lang na nandito na pala kami sa bahay. I was about to leave the car when I remembered something.

“Is my dad still here?” tanong ko kay kuya Leo.

”Ang alam ko po ma’am kakaalis lang nila.” Nakahinga naman ako nang maluwag. Thank God at matagal-tagal na ulit bago ko sila muling makikita.

Oh by the way, I’m this relieved because I really don’t want to see their faces here. Because after the day that I received my first slap—which is the day that I met Dandrei—oh crap this, why am I inserting him in the topic?!—we never talked again. Actually, I’m just the one who’s not talking.

Because after that day, they’re always in the house and they were always there after my class. Kaya nasasalubong ko tuloy sila sa pag-uwi ko. Lalo na ang step mom ko na kinakamusta pa ako pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko pa lang sa bahay. And that really irritates me.