Hermitcrap/Oneshots S7 [CANCELLED, DON'T BOTHER READING]

Incorrect Quotes Because I'm Original

Warning for some cursing in a few of them

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*Hermits arguing in the car*

Scar: shush it! You're gonna wake up Jellie-

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When you get forced into Drama

Mumbo: I brought you frank incense.

Xisuma: thank you.

EX: and I brought you mur.

Xisuma: thank you.

EX: Mur-der!

Xisuma sarcastically: *gasps* Judes-

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*Grian puts a potato into the Sahara system*

Mumbo: way to go, pal, it took us three weeks to make that redstone!

*Grian flys away*

Mumbo: THREE WEEKS!

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Doc: toss me my keys!

Grian: *throws a damn printer near him*

Doc: I said my keys...

Grian: I thought you said printer!

Doc: why the fuck would I say printer?

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EX: hey kid! You want some blades? *shows Joe a collection of knives*

Joe: no! Blades are for skating!

*pair of roller skates magically appear on his feet*

Joe: ya dingus.

Joe trying to roller skate in the snow: kinda snowy out here-

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Doc: toss me my keys!

Grian: *throws a big ass Christmas tree right next to him*

Doc: I said my keys.

Grian: I thought you said Christmas tree!

Doc: why the FUCK would I say Christmas tree!?

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Today, on the bootleg version of Candy Store (which is the best song of Heathers, even if it was ruined by Riverdale):

*musical number*

Mumbo: HONEY WHAT CHA WAITING FOR-

Grian: SHUT UP, MUMBO! *attempts to push him to the ground, but fails due to height differences*

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Doc: throw down the keys!

Grian: *throws down a copy machine- wait, where is he getting this stuff from?*

Doc: I SAID KEYS!

Grian: I thought you said copy machine!

Doc to no one in particular: why the fuck would I say that!?

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This fandom: damn, Grian! Back at it again with the CRIPPLING DEPRESSION

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Scar: Cub look, it's the Good Kush!

Cub: this is Sahara, how good can it be?

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*anything bad happens to anyone in a fanfic*

The people reading the story: go suck a dick! Suck a dick! Suck a motherfucking dick!

The rest of the hermits: suck a dick! Suck a huge or small di-

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Cleo: Joe?

*walks into Joe boiling water*

Cleo: what are you doing?

Joe: I'm making holy water.

Cleo: how is that making holy water?

Joe: I'm boiling the hell out of it.

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Cub: Mumbo, I don't like you.

Mumbo: sorry, what'd you say?

Cub: you heard me!

Mumbo thinking: and it turns out I actually didn't hear what the fuck you just said!

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Xisuma: wait, what? You're not coming to my tea party? ISKALL, I MADE BISCUITS-

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And that's it, I'm out of ideas