Promises of Her

Chapter 10: Denial

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

  Lana was now fully recovered and able to resume normal life at Briarcliff-or so she thought.  Being able walk and leave her cell was a moment she had been looking forward too for weeks, but it was now bittersweet.  The end of her recovery meant no more one on one time with Jude, and she found herself pining over that.  Jude had kept it professional while caring for Lana, but there were moments when she had noticed Jude being undeniably sincere-dare she say loving.  Lana couldn't fathom why a woman who stripped her of her freedom, blackmailed the so called "love of her life", locked her up, and punished her, filled her mind day and night. She had grown rather accustomed to having Jude around, and she would miss their late night talks, Jude's help with her crosswords, and just having her around in general.

Lana stood from her bed and began brushing through her, now, very long hair. She had just finished the breakfast and tea that Jude had brought up to her, and was waiting for her to return to her cell so that she could get dressed.

"Tha day ya have been waiting far Miss. Winters!" Jude piped as she walked into Lana's cell. "We are outta tha red cardigans so I went with green. I hope ya don't mind, I thought it betta than that awful mustard yellow."  Jude had mentioned getting Lana a new gown (to replace the blood stained ones) and a thicker cardigan for the winter months to come.

Despite Jude's relatively cheerful efforts, Lana sighed as she sat back down on her bed, keeping her gaze fixed on the stone floor of her cell. Jude frowned at the young woman and placed the folded gown and cardigan down on the bedside table.

"Whats tha matta?" She asked looking down at Lana. There was no way Lana was going to tell her the real reason she was blue, but now she was on the spot and had no idea what to tell the woman that she was helplessly falling in love with.  Her thumbs started to fiddle nervously as she wracked her brain trying to think of an excuse.

"I-I'm scared to go back.." She spat out.  Which held some truth to it, for seeing Tiny or Tom again would make her unbelievable nervous. Jude sighed and sat on the bed next to her. Sure she was a manipulative witch when it came to getting what she wanted, but she could be extremely pleasant when she wanted to be. "You don't have to worry about Tom or Tiny, they have be-" Lana tuned out the rest of what Jude was saying-she had acceded into herself, into her mind. Her feelings for Jude had become overwhelming. How could she POSSIBLY feel so strongly about a woman she absolutely despised little over 2 weeks ago? She had no place in Jude's life, but she desperately wanted too. Maybe it was because Jude had been the only human contact she has experienced since being admitted. Her touch was so gentle and warm, her hands as smooth as freshly whipped cream...SNAP OUT OF IT LANA!! she shouted at herself mentally. Surely Sister Jude would be repulsed by a confession of raw feelings, and most likely lock her in the deepest dungeon that Briarcliff had to offer. Was it a risk to take? for if not, she feared she would civilly explode.

"Lana?" Jude questioned trying to get her attention. It was clear the woman was not with her but instead in some trance like state. Jude grew worried, she could tell Lana was deeply troubled and the young woman's troubles seemed to seep into Jude's conscience. "Lana can you hear me?" Jude questioned again, but to no avail. Lana's eyes glimmered with watery tears, that didn't go unnoticed by Jude. "Tell me what you're so afraid of! Or I can't help you!" Jude stated, her tone becoming less gentle and more cogent. The nun was growing quite impatient with the silent treatment, and wanted a true answer so she would be able to help Lana.

"I am scared of losing you!" Lana shouted out, immediately throwing her hand up to cover her mouth-her eyes grew wide with shock and shame. Jude turned white as chalk and jumped up off the bed quicker than lightning. Her mouth hung agape with her lips slightly parted, her eyes wide, frozen open in an expression of bewilderment. Both women stared at each other speechless as their brain's simultaneously and desperately scrambled in any attempt to make sense of what had just been said. Such a simple sentence had spoke massive volumes and Lana felt as though she could die from regret and embarrassment. Lana watched as Jude's eyes shielded her feelings with rage, she breathed in real slow and began to shake her head.

"Thi-this is wrong..you-" She attempted to piece words together, but her efforts were futile for all that came out of her mouth were stuttered vowels and half spoken words. She truly was mortified, a feeling both women felt.

All Jude could do was stand there frozen as she stared into the young woman's eyes, the woman who had just essentially confessed feelings for her.  Jude was abhorred to admit it, but she had grown rather attached to Lana while caring for her. Surely Jude's feelings of attachment were nothing similar to that of Lana's caliber. She had caught herself admiring the young woman's dark chocolate eyes, sleek shiny hair, and smooth porcelain skin, but that's just what women did! Admired other women for their good looks-or was it something deeper? No Judy this isn't you.

Jude shook her head in attempt to free herself of the paralyzing state she was in. She was angry as hell but part of her couldn't help but feel sorry for Lana. She was sat on her bed in front of Jude practically bawling her eyes out, her hair was an overgrown mess, her gown was dirty with old blood stains that had over oxidized and turned a brownish hue, she was skin and bones due to her all liquid diet for the past week, and she just looked so frail and vulnerable.

"I'm sorry...I dont-" Lana was the first to speak. "I don't know what I'm saying." Lana declared as she looked up at Jude through red puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. Jude gritted her teeth and inhaled deeply. She wanted to properly address Lana, but she knew her temper too well.  If she were to stay any longer she would explode, and that's the last thing she wanted to inflict on Lana. She needed a clear mind.

"I will send a nurse by later, for your nightly check up." Jude replied tight cheeked, making her exit from the cell promptly. As she hurried down the corridor silvery tears started to well in the corners of her eyes-she couldn't even explain how she was feeling. It was a mix of anger, fear, confusion and pity, as Lana's remark I'm afraid of losing you played on repeat in her mind. She kept her head low as she walked down the corridors to her office. As she arrived, as per usual Frank stood at his post "I don't want to see anyone for the rest of the night" she said briskly as she whizzed past him straight into her office, slamming the door after her.

She stumbled weak kneed into the middle of the room and everything went red. Her vision blurred as a hot flame of rage coiled in the pit of her stomach. Her brain went on overdrive as she recalled every moment she'd spent with Lana. As she thought about the young woman's soft hair, creamy skin, lush lips, her delicate smile when she made a sarcastic comment, the way her dark, deep earthy brown eyes gazed at her earnestly-the absurd thoughts caused the flames in her stomach to rise up into her chest and spread all over the rest of her body. Waves of fury rolled off her as the blood rose to her cheeks. She hated that Lana had confessed to her, for now she had to face the reality that she was trying to subconsciously suppress.

You don't have feelings for her Judy...you just care for her, that's different. She tried reasoning with herself mentally, but it was no use. Anything not concerning Lana was filtered out and pushed back into the depths of her mind, for Lana was the only element accountable in her brain at the moment.

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Sorry its taking so long to upload!

I am trying callously to keep these chapters entertaining and I am afraid I am finding it rather difficult, so I have decided to speed the story line up a little. Anyhow, we hit 100 reads!! so grateful for everyone who is reading, voting, and commenting! I thought this old story of mine would be a bust, but I am so pleased with the feedback I have been receiving! Thanks a ton

Yours,

Kitty🌹