Promises of Her

Chapter 11: Disquietude

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

    On this particular night, sleep had become a fleeting chore to Jude. Failing to find the right position she tossed and turned, fluffed and re-fluffed her pillow, fought with her bed sheets, but  just couldn't seem to get comfortable. Jude knew damn well why she couldn't sleep and she loathed the fact that her brain was filled with forbidden thoughts of one specific person. Thoughts that tumbled around in her brain with rapid succession.

Finally, with great frustration, Jude's eyes shot open and stared up at the cracked, water damaged ceiling of her bedroom. She raised her hands to her face covering its entirety, letting out a deep sigh as she shook her head. Jude was shocked by Lana's forthcoming earlier, and the outcome of her confession left Jude feeling outlandish.  The sensation was strange indeed, it seemed to stretch throughout her whole body. It was overwhelming, yet it filled her with such zeal. She was ashamed of some of the fleeting thoughts she had about the young woman, but as her head filled with thoughts of Lana it was as though her heart danced around in her chest. There was certainly one question becoming overly daunting to Jude. How could Lana possibly feel anything genuine for her after what she had put her through? Or better yet, how could have Jude possibly become so infatuated with a complete stranger, whom she personally sought out to have admitted to Briarcliff, only later to have save her life?

"God dammit Judy!" She cursed at herself as she she sat up in bed, deciding sleep would be no use unless she cured what was ailing her mind. She slid on her penny loafers that were placed at the end of her bed and wrapped herself in a black woolen robe. She knew any further attempt at sleep would be fruitless, for the only cure to her temporary insomnia would be going to see Lana. Since the episode that had occurred earlier that morning, Jude had had plenty of time to cool down and fully process what Lana's outburst meant, and come to terms with her own sentiments.

She peaked her head outside of her office door ensuring the coast was clear. She made her way down to the women's ward stealthily, not wanting any inquisitive encounters to occur, for it was well past lights out and under her rule, being out at this time was strictly forbidden to the working nuns. As she arrived in front of Lana's cell she pulled the master key from her pocket and, as silently as she could, cracked open the padlock and pulled open the cumbersome door. She closed the door silently behind her, just in case a guard on night shift saw the door open and decided to enquire.

Lana laid wrapped up under the thick duvet Jude had given her during the first night of her recovery. It was relatively light in her cell due to the blazing moonlight shining in through the barred window. Jude stood at the door for a minute and debated leaving, her nerves getting the best of her.

"Jude?" Lana's raspy, sleep filled voice called out from under the duvet. Jude swallowed hard spinning back around, reaching for the handle on the cell door. There was no way she could face the woman. "Don't go" Lana exclaimed, her voice now softer.

Jude looked down to the ground and inhaled deeply.  She slowly turned on her heel and raised her head slightly so that her gaze met with Lana's.  "What're you doing here?" the young woman whispered as she looked quizzically at the older woman before her. Jude cleared her throat and took a small step toward Lana's bed. 

"I came to talk to you" she admitted lowly, while fiddling with the thick metal key she still held in her hand.

Lana couldn't help but crack a small grin.  She had never seen Jude appear so obviously nervous and the thought that she may have something to do with that brought a fresh blush of bright pink to her cheeks.  Aside from her obvious nervousness, Jude seemed very relaxed and calm as opposed to earlier that morning; and for that, Lana was thankful.

"Do you want to sit?" Lana offered.  Jude slowly nodded her head and made her way to the edge of Lana's bed, sitting down at the end of it which was surprising.  Lana was sure she'd sit on the chair still stationed beside her bed.  She let out a deep sigh, then looked up, directly into Lana's eyes. 

"I came ta address tha statement that was made earlier.." Jude started "I was cross with ya at first Miss.Winters, but I have had some time ta think."

The first day Lana had met Jude she was extremely hard to read, but tonight her emotions were not so easily hidden. Her face usually smooth and taugh, now showed evident confusion visible by the crease of her brow and the knot she had pursed her lips into.  Lana stayed silent waiting for Jude to continue, refusing to break eyes contact, for her eyes revealed more than the aged nun knew. They were a deep lagoon of apprehension, tenderness, and turmoil. 

"Miss- Lana. I want ya ta kn-"
suddenly the thundering sound of alarm bells being rung sounded throughout the corridor, followed by the unnerving howlling of neighboring patients. The bells were only sounded when a patient attempted to escape and as head of house, Jude would doubtlessly be needed at the scene to decide his or her punishment. Jude cursed under her breath and jumped to her feet headed for the cell door.  She stopped abrubtly and looked back at Lana wistfully, wishing they hadn't been interrupted. She had come with every intention of confirming what she had been trying to hide for so long, but perhaps it wasn't meant to be.  Jude's head was telling her one thing and her heart another. Being with Lana felt so right, but she knew good and well of its peccancy. 

"I don't want to lose you either" Jude whispered as she quickly slipped out of Lana's cell, leaving Lana alone once more.