Dear April |✔|

Day Twenty - Seven

Dear April,

I don't feel welcomed anymore.

I ruined my family.

I ruined my friendship.

I ruined my entire life.

Nobody wants me anymore...

What do I do, April? Should I just give up? I want to but... what would become of me after? Would I even survive if I gave up? Would you care? You seem to show that you don't now a days so I guess that's a no.

The only person who showed that they cared was my mom, but now she doesn't even go out of her room. She's numb and it's all because of him.

He still haven't returned yet. I don't even think that he will anytime soon.

Am I really that bad of a person?  I keep asking but I keep getting no response, dammit, answer me!

If I gave up, would I even be able to suvive? Would my mother cry? Would you cry? Would anyone cry?

I guess that's a no...

Everything hurts, April.

And it's your fault.

It's your fault that I'm feeling this way right now. You knew everything that had been going on but you chose this as the perfect time to leave.

You left me alone.

You left me here to take care of myself because you didn't feel the same way.

Weren't you the one who said that you would always be by my side? Weren't you the one who claimed that I was your best friend? Wasn't I the one who made you who you are today?

Oh... I just realized...

If I'm the one who made you who you are...

If I'm the one who took you under my wing, if I'm the one who took care of you most of your life, if I'm the one who found you laying half naked in that park where you nearly froze to death, if I'm the one who made sure you found foster parents who took care of you and loved you more than your actual parents ever could, if I'm the one who nurtured you into the human being that you are today...

Then everything is my fault.

I did this to me. I did this to myself.

I broke myself by helping you. I broke myself by taking care of you.

I broke myself by finding it in my heart to bring a homeless, breathing, human being into my own house and made sure that she was cleaned and ate properly so that she would survive.

I was twelve.

I was the same age as you, April! What kid around that age would do that?! Especially in this God damn century where no one gives a shit about who you are or where you came from!

Fuck, this is all my God damn fault.

I shouldn't have helped you.

I should've left before you had the chance to leave me.

How idiotic of me.

But that's alright because I'm okay.

With much hate (directed directly at you).