Still, Love is Beautiful || 【ＲｉｅＣａｙ】

Chapter 4: His Secret

[Zaphyr Evan]

Right after the call ended, I shrieked. Why is this making my heart beat fast? 'Why are you beating so fast? You are his best friend and you are there to comfort him!' I scolded myself. I punched the wall. "This needs to stop." I whispered to myself and cried. I can't...no...this would bring disgrace to my family...even to Estania. I need to stop. I need to man-up. After chanting some encouraging words, I walked to my walk-in closet to get dress.

*****

I rang the doorbell. When he opened the door, my stupid heart beat faster again. "C'me in." He smiled. I just entered in his condominium with some pizza and drinks at hand. I turned to him and invited him to his living room. "Let's eat," I smiled and waited for him to come. My jaw dropped when he showed up with no top. I mentally slapped myself when I imagined something really inappropriate. I mentally sighed, 'I'm such a disgusting person' I thought to myself. He sat beside me on the couch, with just a bit of distance between us. When did I notice this things? I looked at the direction of television, but my focus was on peripheral vision. He has some good shape. "When did you have abs?" I mentally slapped myself again. 'Why did I frigging asked this kind of question? Freaking hell! He might weirded out. Geez, thanks a lot self, for being so fucking stupid!' I heard his slight chuckle. "Good thing, you noticed!" He sounded glad. My beat way faster than earlier. 'Freaking shit, Leon! Stop being so freaking adorable, I might eat you!'

I laughed, trying to make it sound natural. "You are freaking topless. Of course, I would notice." I acted reluctant and grabbed some pizza. "That's the point. I wanted you to notice. I've been going to the gym you know." He also grabbed some pizza. As much as I want to gobble him up, I can't. We're both guys. Guys don't do gay shit like girls.

"I see," was the safe word I could come up. I badly want to a pic of him and place it on my wall. But, god forbids that. I can't love someone else, I have a fianceé and much less a guy for crying out loud. Just thinking about Estania's reaction when she finds out my true identity fills me with so much terror. I closed my eyes. I don't want to cry in front of Leon. I came here to comfort him, not give him more problems. "So, what happened?" I started. He sighed and started his story from top to bottom.

When he finished, tears were forming in his eyes. I want to hold him in my arms, I want to kiss him. As much I want that, I can't. I'm already with someone else, even though I don't love her. She loves me, and she's been nothing but sweet to me. I can't betray her trust and her love, because for past two years that we've been together, I learned how to love her, not romantically, but as a friend and someone I trust with my whole heart. She knows almost everything about me, but not this, no, she can't know. It might break her heart, no, it will definitely break her heart. That her boyfriend is a disgusting person.

I smiled at him and tapped his shoulders, those were the only close skin contact that was allowed. "You're strong, Leon. Don't force yourself to her. Let her learn to love you. Because she'll definitely break your heart. Just stay by her side," He smiled and hugged me. My heart skipped a beat, I hate it, but the truth is...I loved it, every time my heart beat fast and skipped a beat, I loved every second of it. Even these hug, that doesn't mean anything romantic, I love it. But thinking of Estania is making me hate it.

"Thanks, man. I know I could always rely on you with this things." He smiled and let go. He grabbed a glass and poured some beer. "How are things with Estania?" I smiled, but sighed mentally. "Everything is going fine between us. She's currently in a vacation. She'll return by Monday." He just nodded.

Then, his phone rang. He checked who was the caller and answered it. "What's up? Oh, you are? Really? Wait!" Then, he ran towards the door, when he opened it, it revealed Raphael with a huge grin in his face. "I'm back!" He laughed and scanned Leon's condo, then he saw me. "Zaph!" I smiled.

I met him through Leon, but nevertheless we became close and we're friends. "Yo! How's it going?" He said, trying to look cool. I chuckled. "Stop, you look stupid." I commented, and offered him my freshly poured drink that was originally intended for me. As usual, he accepted and sat down on Leon's couch like he owns it, in a de quatro position. I'm quite impressed of his confidence and lack of shame. "Where have you gone too?" I asked out of curiosity, because he suddenly disappeared a month ago.

His face turned grim, may be I stepped on a landfill. "It's okay if you don't want to talk." I added. He quickly smiled. "Thanks, bro." Leon sighed and sat on the single sofa on the right. "At least warn me if you wanna crash to my place, ya' know." Raphael laughed. "Now, where's the fun in that? I'd rather surprise you." He laughed and sip on the beer I gave him.

Then, his eyes widened like he remembered something. He grabbed something on his pocket and gave me a folded wrinkled paper. I looked at him confused, my brows scrunched together. He just smiled, encouraging me to open it instead. I did, and surprised of the content.

"I miss you"

- Estania

"Saw your fianceé on my way back and she said to me to give this to you," He smiled widely. "Your fianceé is awfully sweet. I'm quite jealous." He laughed. Leon stood up out of curiosity and when he saw the note, he grinned like a sly fox.

"You dog!" He said and punched me playfully. "I wish I had a girlfriend like that." He commented. Is it just me? Or I heard a hard slap on my face. 'Girlfriend,' of course, that's what he wants. 'What did you expect you dumbass? You? A fucking guy?' I smiled bitterly.

"Well, she is sweet and perfect and by next month, she'll move in with me in London." I showed off, which is wrong in way too many different angles. Then, the howled like a dog and pushed me playfully. "Can't wait to be an uncle!" Raphael cried in laughter. "Hey! It's still early. They still need to get married!" Leon playfully smacked Raphael's head. I laughed with them. Even though the guilt ate me up, little by little. I'm still not sure how long can I keep this secret.