New friends? Or old friends?

8

Callen's pov:
The rest of the work day/night went by me. I couldn't get my head around the fact that gibbs had hid something, no someone!!! From me! Why would he do that? I thought we didn't have any secrets from one another!! Is she an ex wife of his? I mean he has quit a few of those but he told me about all of them. Or didn't he? The past years suddenly don't look as good and promising as I always thought.... what else could he be hiding from me? I mean, I always told him absolutely everything about me. Calling everyday to make sure he was alright. Our relationship felt so pure and safe, but now I am not so sure anymore. We had promised to not have any secrets from each other. And I sure as hell didn't hold anything back nor did i hide something from him. But it seems like he wasn't that honest.
„G? Don't think to much into this." sam says, pulling me back out of my head and into the real world instead.
„Hey! You know that gibbs loves you! That was clear to see back at the house! So why don't you go and talk this out with him when we get back home? I am sure there is a good reason why he hadn't told you." he goes on after seeing my devasted face. I only nod in reply, way to down to articulate with words. The whole time I see all the horrible scenarios running through my head what gibbs May also has hidden from me. Maybe this isn't even the only thing that he kept away from me? I mean who knows!? He could live a whole other life with someone else back in dc? Not that I seriously believe that, but it's a possibility. I swear I slowly am going crazy right now.
„Hetty! I am sorry for calling, but G isn't feeling to good. So if it is alright with you, I am going to drive him back home so he can get some much needed rest!" He informs Hetty on the phone. Guess I have zoned out once again. Sam constantly keeps on eyeing me from the side, while still keeping his eyes on the street.
„I am sorry to hear that Mister Hanna! Take Mister Callen back home and please stay there along with him. We all know that he isn't an easy patient at all. If there is anything I could help with please don't hesitate to call." Hetty reply's, also sounding worried about my well being. Feeling like an ass for that, but on the other hand, i also can't get a hold of myself. I honestly just hope that gibbs can give me a good reason why he kept that woman, jo, a secret till now! My heart is hurting so bad I can't even put it in words if I am honest!
„I will hetty, don't worry!" Sam's voice echoes around my head. Only seconds later the car stops so I look up, only to realize that we had already arrived at the safe house again. I see the door getting thrown opened by Sam's kiddos, and I really try to smile at them, but I don't seem to do a good job.
„Uncle G, do you have a boo boo?" Kamran questions quietly her deep brown eyes shine in worry, her small hands curled around my right foot. Aiden also immediately looks at me with worry clear to see in his eyes. I only shake my head at them, not knowing what to tell them. This are little kids that I really love from the bottom of my heart, so of course I don't want them to worry about me.
„I am good love. Just really tired." I tell them, trying to be as reassuring as I can. They don't seem like the believe me thought, but to my luck Sam made quick work with ushering them into the house and towards their rooms since they should be asleep already. Taking one last deep breath before also entering the building. dreading the conversation that i am going to have with the love of my life! Gibbs is immediately in my eye sight, he doesn't look to good either to be honest. He opens his arms like he often does, but this time I can't just go up to him and cuddle myself into his chest. I honestly feel so betrayed by him right now. Yes I know that I may be a bit to over the top. But the both of us promised each other to have absolutely zero secrets from one another! This is a huge factor in our relationship especially since we live this far apart and also keep our relationship a secret.
„Callen, Baby. Please just let me explain." gibbs softly begs me. Suddenly standing right in front of me, meaning I once again zoned out. His right hand softly caressing my left cheek. Feeling my eyes already welling up with unwanted tears that I somehow can't stop from falling onto my cheeks.
„No tears baby. I promise this isn't..." he starts but I am quick to interrupt him.
„You promised me that we don't have any secrets from one another. Which you obviously have! So don't think that I am going to believe that promise either!" I tell him hurt and angry all at once. His face instantly fell into a mask of guilt and hurt as well.
„Jo and i were together in a delta unit. That was years ago! And yes I know I should of told you!" he says after a heavy sigh.
„Listen, this was in the past. Yes I did stay in contact with her after she has taken over as the leader but that's it." he explains. His eyes begging for me to please believe him. And yes, I do have to say that this sounds logical, and yes it's good that she wasn't in a relationship with him. But still, it hurts like hell that he hadn't told me about it. Even if they weren't dating or something along those lines, still he should of told me. I tell him everything!! Even if I hated to talk about my past and my childhood, I told him because I trust him and because we supposedly have no secrets from each other. I told him every little detail about all that had happened to me. But I guess he doesn't trusts me enough to keep his secrets to myself? Or maybe he doesn't love and care for me as much as I do for him? And that hurts!
„Please believe me! I just didn't thought that it would be worth talking about." he says. He now has definitely realized that I am still not ready to accept his apology.
„I always told you everything. If I thought it was worth talking about or not, but that was our deal. Our promise so this relationship, our relationship could work. But I guess that doesn't mean as much to you as it does to me." I tell him broken hearted. Really feeling like my heart has been ripped out of my body!
„Is this really what you think? You think you aren't my one and only!?" he asks shocked.
„You know how often I had been hurt, that's why we made that promise. But I guess that didn't meant anything to you." I answer him with tears running down my cheeks, hiccups shaking my body. My breathing also seems to get quicker, feeling like I can't get any oxygen into my burning lungs.
„Callen! Listen to me, you need to take some deep breaths!" gibbs tells me holding me against his strong body.
„Try to copy my breathing darling. In and out, in and out. That's it, deep breaths." he instructs and slowly I get some air back into my body.
„Are you ok?" he asks me, the panic and worry clear to hear and see in his soft eyes.
„Not really but I can breath again." I whisper out.
„Ok. If you don't believe anything, you need to believe me that I love you!!" he sighs before telling me intensely. He lifts his hands up to hold my face to make sure I am looking into his stunning blue eyes. Eyes that look frightened and desperate at the moment.
„I love you! I have loved you for years! Ever since our first tour we went on together!" he tells me earnestly.
„I love you! Yes I should of told you, and I swear on everything that means something to me that I won't ever keep something to myself!" he tells me once again.
„Baby please! I need you to believe me that I love you! I really don't know what I would do if I am going to lose you over this!" he whispers desperately. Tears slowly rolling down his face as well. Slowly I nod at him in response. I do believe that he loves me, and deep down in my heart I know that he would never intentionally hurt me.
„Let's Go to bed, I am tired." I whisper out. Suddenly feeling completely drained from all that emotional roller coaster. Seeing me struggle keeping myself standing, Gibbs quickly scoops me up bridal style and carries me to our room.
„May I hold you?" he asks me afraid of me declining. But I really need to feel him right now, so I quickly pull him right into me and cuddle myself even tighter into his strong and protective arms.
„Good night babe." I whisper with a heavy sigh.
„Good night darling. I love you." he answers just as quietly.
„I love you to." I answer before feeling my eyelids closing and getting surrounded be darkness.