One Kiss Later (K. Baudelaire)

Chapter 14

Candie

"Carmelita Spats." Violet greets. "Go away, cake-sniffers! This is a private cave!" Carmelita says through her teeth. "Carmelita, who are you talking to?" The scout leader, Brucie asks. "They're in our cave so obviously they're cake-sniffers." Carmelita spats. "Oh my God! You're the orphans from Prufrock Prep! Who's parents died in a fire and then Vice Principal Nero expelled you!" Carmelita continues.

"No, no Carmelita. These are my new friends." I say trying to use my sister's gullibility to my advantage. "We've never been to Prufrock Prep." Violet says following along. "He did not expel us." Klaus adds. "I knew it. You're the Baudelaires!" Carmelita concludes. "No, no they aren't." I stay, invested in my story. "I hope not! I read about those terrible children in The Daily Punctilio. They are being charged for murder and arsonists. They started that enormous fire that's still raging across the hinterlands."

"They aren't, I promise, Scout Leader Sunflower." I say to her. She looks at me closely. "Oh, Candie! How are you?" She says. "I'm... surviving." I respond. "They aren't the Baudelaires." I say turning around to them and giving them a wink. "That's right. We're not the Baudelaires. We're..." Klaus trails off. "Mountain climbers!" Violet charms in. I give them a thumbs up. "We're looking for our sister. She's about this tall, and she has a good set of teeth and she's traveling with a bunch of dangerous-looking people." Violet explains to them.

"Well we haven't seen anyone. We've been in this cave hiding from gnats, but we have a map of the mountains that you can consult." Scout Leader Brucie suggests. "No! No. Scout Leader Brucie, this cave is for Snow Scout only, and they're obviously the Baudelaires. Look at their little orphan faces!"  Carmelita complains.

"Now, Carmelita, Snow Scouts should be accommodating. It's the first word in our pledge." Scout Leader Brucie says. "Yeah, and besides, I'm technically a Snow Scout. These are just my... Guests!" I say trying to get into the cave "You're Snow Scouts." Violet asks. "Troop number thirteen. Only rich non-cake-sniffers with living parents are allowed to join. Right Brucie?" Carmelita angrily explains. "I have to carry their luggage." Brucie says fearfully.

"You should carry your own luggage, Carmelita, and you should join us by the fire. We have extra parkas and snow suits if you're cold. And extra masks." A strange person says with a mask on. "Why would we want masks." Violet questions. "If you're outside, they keep the snow gnats away." Brucie explains. "And if you're inside they make a Very Furtive Disguise." The masked person says. Me and the two Baudelaires look to each other. V.F.D.

We sat near the fire. "Well, would anyone like to tell a story?" Brucie asks. "I would!" Carmelita cheered. I roll my eyes. "What?" Klaus asks me. "When Carmelita tells a story, she doesn't stop." I say to him. "Once upon a time..." Carmelita starts. I've been so used to tuning out her stories, it's like second nature.

"And then Cinderella told Prince Charming that she's got an even more beautiful sister whose name is Carmelita, so he married her instead. Then she divorced him and took all of his money! The end." Carmelita finishes, tuning my back in after my trance. "Now this is the story of Sleeping Beauty's even more adorable younger sister-" Carmelita introduced until Brucie interrupted. "Carmelita, you've told nine stories already." Brucie says, trying to be firm. Nine stories? I've gotten good at tuning my own sister out. I don't know if I should be proud of that or not.

"Maybe somebody else would like a turn. Candie, you always told amazing stories." Brucie complemented. I smile. "Or the mountain climbers. Has something ever really terrible happened to you?" Carmelita asked wickedly. The Baudelaires paused before Violet spoke. "We'd rather not share." Carmelita rolled her eyes. "You should be more accommodating." I sigh, knowing what's about to happen.