Me, myself and I (english version) [PAUSE]

Chapter 15: Friendship Has No Age

Without forgetting it is quite impossible to live at all.

Friedrich Nietzsche

When I arrive at the library, Madame Blondeaux is reading a book, seated, as usual, behind the counter.

-Good morning, Mrs. Blondeaux, how are you?

The old lady raises her head and replies with a smile:

-Hello, little Ana, how many times am I going to have to ask you to call me Thea? You also must stop being so formal with me...

-I'm working on it, Mrs. ... Thea

-"You don't put enough efforts into it then," she replies with a teasing smile.

-It's always a bit difficult for me to talk informally to aged-

Madame Blondeaux cuts me off before I say my sentence:

-"Reassure me, you weren't going to say, "aged people," were you? Because we both know very well that this description does not suit me. she said with a falsely suspicious air.

-Of course not, Mrs. ... Thea, I wanted to say that I have a hard time speaking familiarly with people as stunning as you!

We both burst out laughing; Mrs. Blondeaux, well, Thea hates to be defined as an aged person: she finds this expression "meaningless", "we all have an age, are we not all aged people? Sometimes I really don't understand languages... She once told me. Moreover, she hates the negative connotation of this expression, as if all people over the age of fifty were dependent and useless, Mrs. Blondeaux, at the age of sixty-three, wanted to remain dynamic and independent.

-Nice save, sweet Ana, nice save. Come, sit next to me and tell me what you've done over the holidays.

I give her a big smile and sit next to her behind the counter. Mondays are the least busy day in the library, since there is almost nobody, it gives us the opportunity to chat. Mrs. Blon- Thea knows everything there is to know about me, when I arrived in Paris, I spent a lot of time in the library; in fact, I spent all my days there. I love reading, I've always loved it, but since what happened in Toulouse, books have become my refuge; a place where I can stop thinking, live the life of a character or let myself be carried by the words the narrators. One day, during my daily visit, Thea sat next to me and with the compassionate smile that never leaves her, asked me: "What if you told me what makes you so sad?" I raised my head and observed the old lady (she would kill me if she knew I called her old, even if it's just in my head ...) before asking her:

-What makes you think I'm sad?

-I can feel it in my heart. You have to free yourself, my little one, or all the pain you keep in you will eventually destroy you.

I don't know why, maybe it's because I hadn't spoken to anyone since I left Toulouse, but her concern for me moved me and I told her my whole story. On that day, a bond was formed between us, Thea is the only person who knows, the only one who really knows everything...

-So, what did you do to celebrate?

-So, for Christmas, we were at Tamara's and it was great even though it was very different from the Christmases I spent with my family. For Christmas, we always prepared a large meal that we distributed to those in need and then we attended the midnight mass. I confess that I stopped believing in God a little while growing up, but Christmas Mass remains a tradition that I loved to participate in with my family. There was something magical about celebrating this holiday with hundreds of people, you know? With Tamara and the boys, it was different, but it made me feel good because I remembered that I have life ahead of me; I am twenty years old, I must not stay at home waiting for the moment when I will join my family...

-I'm glad you finally realized it, little Ana, you deserve to live a life full of joy. It's almost impossible to forget what happened to you, but it's important that you learn to live despite this: you must not let your past steal your present away from you, okay?

-"Yes, great sage" I answer her with a playful smile.

-Stop making fun of me and tell me what's next, you little rascal.

We both laugh before I go on.

-For the 31st, Eric had booked in restaurant on the Champs Elysees, the food was very good although I admit that I had a little trouble typing the code of my bank card when I saw the bill. But hey, we were welcoming the new year, we had to celebrate! After that, Tamara had to leave because Leah was too tired, but the boys and I stayed to watch the fireworks, it was beautiful, have you ever seen them?

-No, I have not been there in recent years. The last time I attended the celebration of the New Year, it was still taking place at the Eiffel Tower.

-"Oh yes, I forgot that you are not very young anymore... I replied mockingly.

Thea gently pinches my nose before answering me:

-You're in a good mood today, aren't you?

I laugh before I ask her:

-So how did your celebrations go?

-Unfortunately, mine didn't go as well as yours: they were punctuated by arguments, it was more like a family council that goes wrong than end-of-year celebrations...

-Oh no... What happened?

-Actually, it's been like this for a few years now: my grandson's absence is the main problem. You know, I only have one grandchild, but for the last few years, he hasn't got along with his parents. I must admit, his mother, my daughter, is way too strict with him. For her husband and her, the only way to succeed in life, is attending the engineering school. At first, my little Titi complied with all his parents' choices, but growing up he realized that this path was not his. When he made the decision to leave engineering school, his parents kicked him out probably hoping he would change his mind, but that was underestimating their son's perseverance. Since he left his parents' house, he has not set foot there again, and no longer attends family events...

-Oh... It's too sad. Did he stop talking to you, too?

-No, no, he calls me every Sunday to catch up with me and when he has time, he comes to see me here. But he rarely comes because he is very busy: he has to juggle his classes and his work. I'm proud of him because he was able to say "stop" to his parents when they went too far, but I miss him a lot and this situation bothering me too. You know, I've already lost my husband, I wouldn't want to lose the rest of my family.

Thea gives me a little smile that totally contradicts the sadness I detect in the depths of her honey-colored eyes. I take my friend in my arms to comfort her. Missing people is a feeling I know very well, so I fully understand her fears. I hope she can put the pieces that make her family back together.