Madeline

Chapter 15

I was cursing myself the entire way back to my room and for most of the rest of the night. Why had I run away like that? I did want to speak to Mr. Mitchell. Why was it so scary to think of doing so?

At the end of the day, I went to bed resigned. I guess it didn't matter anyway. He'd probably be on his way home in the morning.

Poor Rebecca. She didn't understand why I seemed to be upset and she assumed it was because of something she'd done. I kept assuring her it wasn't anything, but she didn't believe me.

For some reason I didn't want to tell her why I was sad. I didn't even understand it myself. Why should I feel sad about not speaking to someone I'd never met and would never see again?

It's not as if he'd even want to speak to me once he found out who I was. Even so, when I went to bed, I had to wipe a tear away, telling myself it must be due to some dust.

The next morning, Rebecca brought my breakfast tray like always. "You're expected at dinner again this evening," she said casually as she uncovered my plate.

"What?" I dropped the fork I'd just picked up. It landed with a clang on the table.

She looked at me curiously as I quickly grabbed it again.

Shaking her head, she said, "that special guest is going to be at dinner again. I heard the king invited him to stay for a while. And you know how easy it is to refuse the king's invitation."

Rebecca paused in her task of readying my food and looked at me strangely. Only then did I realize how stupid I must have looked. Hearing her news, I smiled and had begun twirling a lock of hair that lay over my shoulder. It was something I hadn't done since I was a little girl. But upon realizing what I was doing, I shoved my hands in my lap and blushed, hoping Rebecca might just shrug off my behavior. Unfortunately, she didn't. She began smiling herself.

"So, what does this man look like, anyway?"

"What man?" I tried, lamely.

She laughed at my attempt and put her hands on her hips. "The one that's got you blushing and smiling like an idiot."

I'd never felt so red before and Rebecca laughed at me again.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to clear my head. "It's nothing," I said. "It's stupid. I don't know what's the matter with me. I didn't even speak to him."

"Sometimes you don't have to," she said knowingly. "But now you've got me wondering. What happened last night?"

Feeling embarrassed all over again for my idiotic behavior, I told Rebecca about dinner the previous evening.

"You did what?" she said in exasperation when I got to the end. "Why on earth would you run away?"

"Because...I don't know... I was nervous. And anyway, once he finds out about me, he'll probably be glad I did."

"And why would he do that?" She raised an eyebrow.

I just stared back at her. A woman's virtue in this society had to be unquestionable for any man to be interested in her, at least in an honorable way. Particularly a nice man. Who wanted to become involved with a girl who'd been someone's mistress?

"You've got it all wrong," Rebecca argued. "Besides, you haven't done anything anyone would find questionable."

"But that's not what most people know, and I doubt anyone is going to care enough to ask."

Rebecca watched me, looking frustrated. "I have to get back now, but please don't think like that. And promise you won't run away tonight."

I glanced down, wondering if I would be lying. "I'll try." It was the best I could do. Rebecca sighed and shook her head before she left me alone.