lizkook|| one shots 💦

:)

Not an update.

I'm sorry everyone. I haven't been feeling good lately, everything is just so downy and gloomy.

Nostalgia has been hitting me lately and all the memories rush in my mind which causes me to cry and I don't like it at all.

I wanna socialize and talk to people but at the same time I don't wanna talk..?

Even if I'm surrounded by many people, even my loved ones yet, still I feel so lonely.

Lowkey tired of it.

I'm just gonna take a break for a while from everyone and everything.

I miss someone alot and their birthday is on 25th
14th is the day we met.

I can't contact them in anyway possible as they deleted their social media due to personal issues. Non of their friends no if they'll come back or no. Half of it was my mistake, I shouldn't have left them. I hope they are okay. They were honestly the best person I ever met. I'm sure they hate me tho.
It sucks how people say that they'll always be by my side or always try to say sweet stuff like that, when it's not true. I know that no one would do it. No one cares. If I ever try to think about myself the only thing I get is judgement. But when I help others I can't even get a fucking thank you? Some loyalty? Some appreciation?

Honestly, I didn't even ask to be born. Then wtf am I doing here?

Today my friend called me but I was too busy so I didn't saw it. Later I read her message, "I'm sorry, I accidentally called you." the entire break, she didn't even text me but in school whenever she needs help, it's me who tries my best. My friends always ask me to text their crush (who are male, obviously.) and they tell me to ask him some stuff and I always do it, not because I wanna talk to the boys but just because there girls ask me to do it. Sometimes I tell them that I don't wanna text those guys but then they just reply me with "why not? You can easily talk to boys" they say it in a taunting manner.
And after I do it for them, they just randomly bring it up after few days, while we're eating lunch and they would start saying stuff like "you're always talking to guys"
Or
"you enjoy their company."
Or
"we aren't enough for you, right? You prefer boys over us"
And it just hurts.

-
My mum never in my entire fucking life said "I love you" to me. Never. She is low on showing affection. I understand that, I can't show my affection either but.. No matter what my brother does, she never really complains or gets mad at him as much as she gets mad at me. She blames me for everything. She even replies to my brother's "I love you mom" she even sometimes kisses him on cheek. She never did that to me.

My dad never really cares. He does talk to me and makes me happy but he said that he will choose my mom over me which is understandable. He always takes my mum's side although he knows that it wasn't my fault. But it's okay.

I know this all was so random but I just needed to let it out.

At this point, I got no one. Knowing that I don't have anyone kinda hurts. But I guess I'll get used to it.

Sorry, you guys had to read it all, I'm sure that most of you probably skipped it. It's okay. I don't blame you.
:)