Forbidden | Carol Danvers

Chapter 6: How To Be Lonely

20 years ago

I ran out of the house, sitting down in the tall grass of our front yard. I could hear my father come after me with big steps, calling my name.

I had accidently thrown the dining table over with my mother's favorite plates on it. We were having a fight over something that looked completely irrelevant now. It seemed I had finally gotten my first element: air. It was my father's specialty, so he came to calm me down, not my mother.

When he was right behind me, I turned around. 'Stay away from me!', I warned him.

'Why, honey? What is wrong?'. He looked so worried about me that it made my heart melt.

'I could hurt you', I whispered, looking down at my hands.

'Oh darling, you could never hurt me', he smiled.

'Yes I can! And I am afraid to', I answered honestly.

'I am not', he said, kneeling down,'I trust you. You were born to do this. The only way you could ever hurt me is if one day you decided you didn't love me anymore, but I am not afraid of that either'

'I will always love you dad', I whispered in his ear as I hugged him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now

I kept walking. Straight out of the building to the underground train. If Vers were to look out of the window of the gym right now, she would see me crossing the street, knowing where I was going.

Every decision a Commander took had to be reviewed by the Supreme Intelligence. It was our supervisor and leader. Everything went through it. I had no idea how it remembered every little thing it was told, but it technically was a huge computer so I guessed it just stored all its information somewhere. We were to never question it though, so I never asked.

While the journey progressed and the train got further and further away from HQ, my mind became clearer and I got angrier at Vers. Who did she think she was, just about to kiss me like that.

A couple of people recognized me on the train, probably because of my purple hair, and said hello to me. I didn't say anything back, just stared in front of me, deep in thought.

Even if I had kissed her, I couldn't be with her. Relationships were frowned upon within the Starforce and especially between a Commander and a Soldier. It was an unwritten rule that you did not start relationships with fellow Starforce soldiers. If you did, and they found out, you and your lover would get thrown out of the force. 

And because the Kree loved gossip, people would know immediately. Your life was basically over. They would stare at you everywhere you went and you would be unable to get a job. Reputation was everything on Hala. 

When the train came to a stop, I got up and walked out. Ignoring the staring people. I doubtlessly looked like a mess, because I felt that way. And people weren't used to that from me. I always had my shit together. 

I needed reassurance from my mother, even though it wasn't really her, that I was doing the right thing. 

The first time I saw the Supreme Intelligence was the day I became a Starforce Soldier when I was eighteen. I had rode the same underground train I did today, but back then, I wasn't alone. Jaa-nus went with me, not wanting to leave me alone at such a big moment in my life. 

Of course he had told me that I would see the person I most admired in my life, but I still wasn't prepared when my mother had appeared in front of me. She talked and walked and looked like her, but the look behind her eyes was different. Colder. To be totally honest, it creeped me out.