Breaking Barriers (GxG) [Completed]

The Great Escape

There is something I wish I knew sooner, something wish I learned while growing up. It's something a lot of people struggle with, including me. The thing I'm talking about does have a thing in common with forgiving someone. You forgive someone for yourself, just like you need to ask for help for yourself.

Asking for help, is next to forgiving someone, one of the hardest things you can do. The first thing going through your mind might be, but I don't want to bother others with my problem. Some other thoughts might be, I can fix this myself, nobody can help me or what's the point.

Someone can tell you that you're not bothering them, or that even though you probably can fix it all by yourself you shouldn't have to. Others might tell you that they can try to help or that there is a point, but you will just push it away.

This all has to do with one thing and one thing only, self-care. The time you spent in the mirror degrading yourself is better used talking to someone about it. The time you spend talking yourself down is better spent talking to someone, but you'll do the complete opposite of what you're supposed to be doing. Build that wall a little higher, close yourself off from the people around you, tell yourself you're not worthy.

I can tell you a million times how beautiful you are, how you shouldn't be so hard on yourself and how you are worth more then you think you are, but that wall keeps it from really hitting you.

~~~ Get your tissues ready ~~~

The day I first set foot in America is a day I will never forget. The feelings that surfaced when the child ran towards her father with the mother standing a small distance away, as she admired her beautiful family.

There was one thing I wished back then, I wished for my family to go back to the way it was. Climbing on my fathers back when my legs wouldn't take me further, working in the garden with my mom. Sleeping in my parent's bed whenever I had a nightmare or thought there was a monster in my closet. The bedtime stories before bed, the kisses on my cheek. What I missed most was running from one parent to the other, just so I get that extra hug, a little extra attention. I just want to go back to being happy.

Nothing stays the same, people get older and the world progresses, that is just how life works. I knew it back then and I know it now, so why can't I let go of the past. I keep reopening my own wounds as I keep swimming in them, losing blood every time I move just a little.

When I came face to face with my mom after 4 years, I knew I had fucked up. It was at that moment I knew I just made the biggest mistake of my life.

A small part of me hoped that somewhere deep down was the mother I always knew. The mother who gave birth to me put a smile on my face and looked at me like I was the most precious thing in the world.

I had no time to give myself a mental pep talk as the door opened before I could even think about knocking. There she stood, the woman who had been breaking me for all those years.

"Isa why won't you talk to me." I know Hayley knows something has happened but it'll have to wait until later. Right now there is a crowd waiting for us and disappointing my fans was not something I want to add to this already terrible day.

"Later, I promise." I turn and look at her. "Right now there are around seventeen thousand people waiting for us." I move my head a little closer towards her as I wait for her to close the gap. I sense the hesitation before she gives me the kiss I was asking for, making me feel like I forced her into doing something she didn't want to.