Relapse

Third Time in my Existence

Halstead's POV:

We got everything squared away with the kids in the most simple way possible. Erin gently answered Henry's question, saying that I was his and Nadia's father. She also explained that I didn't know that they were born until this week. I don't think either of them grasped the concept, only that I was the missing person in their life. Henry had started talking to me again while Nadia had just stared at me with a fixated gaze.

The palpable tension between Erin and I was so dense I could almost cut it with a knife. She'd kept my kids from me for two years. She'd run off to New York without so much as a text goodbye. Then again I had left her first when she'd found out about my marriage. I still remember the hurt look she had when I told her I couldn't live with her anymore. As soon as I finished eating I paid my check and made some excuse about meeting the team at Mollie's and left. Both Nadia and Henry had hugged me goodbye and I stepped out into the cold.

I pulled into Mollie's and hopped out of the car. I got a beer from the bar and sat down with the unit plus my brother, Nat, and some people from 51. 

"You good?" Kevin asked.

I held up my finger motioning for him to wait, while I downed the rest of the bottle. 

"Ask me that after I've had a few more of these," I held up the now empty bottle.

"I can't believe she's back, and like this?" Antonio shook his head.

"Yeah," I responded.

"I saw you talking to her in the locker room. What'd she want?" Hailey asked curiously. 

I debated whether or not to tell them, but eventually pulled up the picture Erin had sent me on my phone.

"This," everyone gasped.

"They're yours?" Adam questioned.

I nodded and started drinking a second beer that had been placed in front of me. 

"I just went to dinner to meet them."

"Wow," Kim exclaimed.

I drank a little more than I should have, so Antonio dropped me off at my apartment, Erin's old apartment. 

Erin's POV:

The twins were set up in the guest bedroom downstairs, while I was in my old bedroom. I'd seen Justin's old room on my way to my room and I saw that it was left virtually untouched. I sighed, looking at the pale yellow walls. I decided to go to the bathroom to take a shower to try to wash the last six months away. I stood in the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was pale and ridiculously thin. My t-shirt hung off my frail frame. The dark circles under my eyes closely mimicked the bruises that covered my skin. I suddenly felt a flare of anger. I couldn't believe that I had done what I had. I'd left my kids alone to go become a dealer. I hated me. I threw my fist into the mirror and watched the glass shatter with a terrible noise. I instantly regretted doing that. I heard someone coming upstairs and assumed it was Hank. 

"Erin?" he yelled from outside the door.

I carefully opened the door and kept my hand behind me.

"Oh, wow," he saw the shattered mirror. 

"Let me see," he motioned to my hand.

He cringed at the torn skin. Blood dripped from my knuckles and there were shards of glass sticking out of my fist.

"What happened?"

"I was going to shower but, I um, well you know the rest," I motioned to the mirror. 

He sighed and brushed the broken glass into the trash bin. I followed Voight downstairs and he pulled the glass out of my fist with tweezers. 

"Remember when you were sixteen, maybe a few months after you came to live with me and you punched a hole through the wall?" 

I chuckled a little bit at the memory. 

"Yeah."

"I didn't know that you were home yet, I was in my office and I heard a thud. I thought that someone had broken in so I went upstairs with my gun unholstered, only to see you covered in dust and drywall," he laughed.

"I broke my hand from that," I recalled.

"You know, the spot from where we fixed it is still there."

Once all the glass was removed I rinsed my hand under the faucet. I watched the pink water go down the drain. Hank helped me wrap it up and I told him I was going to go shower.

"Don't break any more mirrors," he called after me.

I rolled my eyes and walked back into the bathroom. I turned on the water and stepped into the shower. I stood there under the warm water until it turned cold and I turned off the water and changed into clean clothes. It was getting late by now so for the third time in my existence I laid on the bed with a bad headache covered in a cold sweat, trying to get out of my head and go to sleep. The first time when I was fifteen and Hank and Camille had just pulled me off the streets, the second,  after I had asked for my job back after my... sabbatical after I got Nadia killed, and then now. Eventually, I fell into a troubled slumber.

I woke up to both of my kids telling me to get up. I rolled over to face them.

"Hey, Nadia, hey Henry," I smiled.

"Grandpa made breakfast," Nadia explained. 

I got up and picked up Henry, who had a harder time maneuvering up and down stairs than his sister. They both started eating, but for me even the smell of food was nauseating. 

"Morning," Voight said.

Before I could respond I turned to the bathroom and threw up. I heard Nadia asking Hank if I was sick. I came back to the kitchen.

"Are you okay mommy?" Nadia asked. 

"Of course, I'm just not feeling too well today," I assured her.

"At least its getting out of your system," Hank said without sympathy, not that I expected any. 

----------------------------------

I'd already said goodbye to the kids, who were hanging out with Jay at the house. Voight and I were in the car on the way to the rehab facility. 

"I feel bad leaving them again for a month after everything," I admitted.

"Well, this time you don't have a choice," Hank responded curtly.

We pulled into a parking lot.

"You ready?" He asked.

"As I'll ever be," I replied and we exited the car. 

We entered the facility. It was very bland looking and boring. I got checked in and Hank told me goodbye. A lady led me down a hall and opened a door to a room labeled 207. I entered the room and saw that the walls were painted a gray color. There were two beds made neatly with a storage crate at the bottom of both. Other than that the room was empty I sat on one of the beds and the lady left, telling me to press the call button if I needed anything.