Foreverland

Chapter 3

•Peter•

I didn't answer Ara's question. Who hurt you. I did. I hurt someone and in turn it ruined me. During the flight back I didn't say a word, not even when her insufferable blabbering became almost too much to handle.

"Go find Alex," I told her when we landed, "he'll have food for you." Ara finally took the hint and stomped off. Unfortunately Little Jack took her place almost as soon as she left.

"You know we don't have a room for her right? Unless we open up the flower room." He didn't even look me in the eyes when he spoke. He was scared of the anger he should've known was coming.

"I'll deal with it." I spoke calmly, surprising both of us. Jack looked uneasy, he was the only one who acknowledged the flower room was even there. Rose's room. I wasn't sure what it was about Jack that made him remember more than most. A hypothesis of mine was that she'd made a mother-like imprint on him, similarly to the way they looked up to me. Of course he didn't remember any details, but he knew someone used to live in there. Someone very special to me. And that she was gone.

"But Peter Pan I-"

"I said I'd deal with it." I gripped his shoulders and I felt him tremble beneath my grasp. These days I tended to be nicer and closer to the boys... when I was in the mood. However there were times I was even worse than I used to be. When I say I had a change of heart after Roses's death, I didn't always mean in a good way. "Unless you'd like a trip to the pit? It's so early, it'd be a shame to ruin such a beautiful day."

Jack frantically shook his head and wriggled out of my grasp. He more than anybody spent time in the pit. It had scarred him similarly to how my losses scarred me, yet I kept doing it. I wasn't even sure why.

"Then run along." He was gone before I even finished my sentence.

My heart was pounding and yet everything felt numb. There was a haze settling around my mind causing my fingers to begin to shake. The mention of the flower room had really thrown me. I kept a bouquet of roses in there at all times and no one was allowed in. Still, I was sure the curious ones snuck in there once in awhile. The thought of their tiny hands rummaging through Rose's stuff made my blood boil. It set off an urge to kill.

I hadn't killed since Rose.

I'd wanted to, but there was no reason. Not yet. None of them were old enough for there to be a reason. The pit was the closest thing I had to releasing this anger. I almost ran after Jack to throw him in.

A hand tugged on my pant leg, causing me to jump. Couldn't I just have a moment of peace?

"What." I groaned, looking down at Emris.

"Brought you an apple. I'll trade you?" He held it up to me.

"Trade me for what?" I sighed, ruffling up his almost white hair.

"Give me a smile and you can have it?" Emris giggled, "a real smile though, you know you can't fool me." He was right, no one could ever fool him. It was like he could see right through us, it did scare me sometimes.

Emris. It means immortal one. I don't always know their names before bringing them to Neverland. Maybe if I had, I would've left him. To see if he really would survive despite the feeling I had.

"So?" He tugged at my pant leg again, "is it a deal?"

"Yes." I grinned, a real grin. Although something about him scared me, another part drew me in.

"So why'd you bring another girl?" Emris took a bite of another apple and I dropped mine. I never spoke about Rose and Emris hadn't been around when she was. There was no way he'd have memories and I thought the oldest boys had forgotten, or at least forgotten enough to know she shouldn't be spoken of. "Before you get angry... you yell in your sleep. I have the lowest room, close enough to hear."

"Emris if you dare-"

"Rose right? I assume her room was the flower room? It makes sense." He ducked away from my hand that shot out to cover his mouth.

"Peter? What are you doing?" Ara came up beside us and I gave Emris a warning glare. At least he knew enough to not say anything in front of anyone else.

"Nothing." I snarled, "let me show you to your room." I grabbed her hand and pulled her away before Emris could open his mouth again. We walked around to the back of the tree to where the narrow staircase sloped beneath the ground. A few months after Roses death was the first time I'd been down that tunnel since Wendy's. Since then, there'd been some renovations. It wasn't a hidden room anymore, it was a feared one.

"Down there?" She sounded disgusted.

"It's much warmer than the tree houses, I promise." As if that made it better. I guided her down into Wendy's old room. It was divided into three parts now. One half the pit. The pit was made up of two rooms. One room the size of a cell for when the boys were misbehaving, the other was just big enough for them to be stuffed into when they were really misbehaving. The other half would now be Ara's.

"Here." I pushed open the wooden door that lead to her half. It was mostly empty except for the small bed and Wendy's old chest. Although the W was still carved into the top it's contents had been emptied. They were now stored in the flower room.

"Well it'll need some tidying up." She took the backpack off her back and threw it onto the bed.

"You can do whatever you want with it."

"What's the other room for?" She asked looking back through the doorway.

"You should hope you don't find out." I sighed, knowing she would soon enough. "I'll let you settle in. I'm taking the boys on a hunt in a few hours, you can stay back with Emris. He watches over Toby and Spencer." I remembered the things Emris had just said and suddenly didn't want Ara to stay back with him. "Or you can come with us?"

"We'll see." She went straight to her bag and started unpacking. Barely giving me a second look, so I did what I said and let her be. Once I was back outside I took a long breath of fresh air. I hadn't realized how suffocating it was down there.

A shiver crawled its way up my spine. Like a spider had fallen from the tree and latched onto my back. It was an unnerving feeling, one I was getting used to.

"Not again. Not now. Just leave me alone, please." I let in a shaky breath and stumbled further into the woods. My chest was getting tighter and the trees around me were growing closer.

Stop torturing me. I wanted to scream. To whom, I wasn't sure. Stop making me feel things I shouldn't, stop invading my mind.

Doesn't it hurt? When you can't have something you want? There it was, that voice. It echoed inside my skull as my knees hit the ground. Remember this hate because the second you think you're capable of changing you will prove yourself wrong. You think you're allowed to have more than one second chance? You're just going to hurt yourself even more than before.

The tears were falling- streaking down my cheeks. I didn't try to stop them anymore. I was scared. Scared of these words. These glimpses of how dark my soul could become. No matter how hard I try, it will always end the same way. With death. So why do I keep trying to avoid it?

You're beyond saving.

It would be easier to just let go. To go back to how I was before. Before Rose. Even before Wendy. Save my Lost Boys. Give them the childhood they deserve and keep my promise. No one grows old in Neverland.

Peter Pan. I felt cool rain prick at my skin- yet it wasn't raining. My hands found themselves clamped around the sides of my head, as if I could block it out. It could've been perfect.

My forehead pressed into the ground, a scream caught between my teeth. I know what you want.

Pure agony was racing through my veins and something around my heart squeezed. I had to get away. I had to run.

You want something you can never have... because you will either destroy it... or it will destroy you.