Foreverland

Chapter 16

•Peter•

I was angry. Blood boiling, eyes flaming type of angry. No one seemed to care. Not even Rose. She could barely look at me. After their stupid meeting she ran off, not bothering to tell me if they were going to help save my boys. Or if they even believed me.

Couldn't she see that I was hurting? For five years I mourned her. I dreamed of hearing her voice again. Her voice. Not Ara's. Not Wendy's. No matter how similar they were, Rose was different. Insufferable at times, but different.

Five years and she can barely spare me a word. I can see it in her eyes that her heart doesn't ache for me as mine does for her. The panic in my chest begins to rise as I start to realize that just because she's alive does not mean I have her back. Instead I'm just going through the emotions of losing her again. I may never have her back.

My fingers dug into the ground that I sat on. I pulled up grass roots and imagined them as human veins. It was oddly comforting. Yet not enough. My heart was hammering in my chest and the ocean breeze was the only thing keeping me from bursting into flames. I kept seeing it again. Rose's face and my sword split through her stomach. As she fell backwards off that cliff. That awful feeling as my stomach dropped with her. There was no way I could've know she survived that.

So why was I so angry at myself for not knowing? For not searching enough? I should've known that when I couldn't find a body that she was alive... then again, I'd assumed the mermaids got to her first. They usually do.

My hands abandoned the grass and went to tug on the roots of my hair instead. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to sink a knife into warm flesh or listen to the satisfying thump of an arrow hitting its mark.

No. I couldn't think like that anymore. I wouldn't allow myself to. It was just so hard.

"I know it hurts." A voice came from behind. I'd forgotten Twila had followed me out here. That she had to because I was nothing more than a prisoner. She'd been so quiet it slipped my mind that I wasn't alone. I felt vulnerable. Exposed. I shouldn't have let her see me like this. "And I know it's hard to breathe sometimes. Like you're tied to the bottom of the ocean and there's nothing stopping the water from rushing in."

"Go away." I snapped as she approached my side, sitting down a few feet away.

"Sometimes, when the nights are long you find yourself loosing the will to survive. You think maybe it'll be easier if I just drift away." I fought the urge to look at her, I didn't want her seeing into my eyes. I didn't want her seeing what they held. "You often wonder if anyone is really out there, anyone who cares. I'm going to tell you there are. The best people are just the most difficult to find."

"You say that as if you've experienced how I'm feeling." I dared to peek a glance at her, she wasn't looking at me liked I'd expected.

"Maybe I have."

"Have you ever lived a nightmare? Ever seen yourself become one?"

"My first nightmares were of you." She glanced at me and I quickly turned away, "Let's just say you aren't living up to expectations."

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not." I allowed myself a small smile.

"Depends who you want to be, the nightmare, or the boy Thorn saw you to be." My smile fell and Twila stood up, offering her hand. I stood as well, leaving her hand hanging.

"Where did she go?"

"To ease her mind." Twila's answer gave no explanation and I decided I wasn't going to beg for one. I was done begging for things. I was better than that.

"Can I ask you something?" I said after a long moment, she didn't answer and I took her silence as a yes, "you said your first nightmares were of me? Why? How? The last time I came in contact with your people was decades ago, we've never met."

"I'd like to tell you it was just the horrible stories our elders told us of you, however it was something worse." Twila closed her eyes, a pained look on her face. Like the words were stuck in her throat, choking her. "Lets just say we haven't been as loyal to the treaty as you were- which is quite surprising to me. We checked up on you once in awhile."

"You what?" I growled, hating the idea that I'd been watched without knowing it. I always knew when I was being watched.

"It was my first time off out side of the island, years ago. We followed you and one of your boys deep into the woods, far away from the rest. We watched as you slit his throat." Her words made me want to rip my ears off. I didn't want to hear anymore- I didn't want to be reminded of what I'd done. "I wanted to stop you but-" her voice cracked, "but they wouldn't let me. "I hated my people for a long time because of what they did."

"But why were you mad that them? I was the monster." I pointed out, feeling the drop of my stomach.

"Yes but they elected to stand by and allow you to be one." Her teeth grated together so hard I was worried they'd break, "they decided to leave those innocent boys in your hands to die- so that we could live in comfort and safety."

"I'm sorry." I whispered and I meant it. I was sorry. And I hated myself for it.

"You're different now."

"I'm not."

"You are. I can see the difference just by looking in your eyes." She stared intently at me and I had to look away. Why did I feel so disgusted at the idea that I'd changed, wasn't it what I'd wanted?

"That's stupid."

"You're stupid." She shot back quickly. It was a remark I'd expect a Lost Boy to say, not her. "Come on, Flynn is probably back at the hut and Thorn should be there soon."

Together we stood and walked in silence back to the hut I'd woken in. Twila pretended not too see the way people looked at us- at me. However, I could not ignore it. Every child that ducked behind their mothers leg and every person that shot back into their homes sent a knife through my chest. I was starting to get used to that feeling.

Eventually I was going to bleed out.

Twila had been right, Flynn was in the hut when we returned. Carving into the table with his knife again. At first he smiled when the door opened. It fell slightly when his eyes landed on me. I sunk into the chair across from him and he sent a questioning look up at Twila.

"Has Thorn returned?" She asked, sitting down as well.

"Just moments before you did." He eyed me wearily, waiting for a reaction. I didn't give him one. "She's sitting out back." I stood abruptly, the chair screeching across the ground as I did. "She asked to be left alone."

I ignored him. I was done waiting. And neither of them were dumb enough to stand in my way. I stalked towards the back door, only pausing briefly to collect myself before throwing it open and slamming it shut behind me.

She didn't even flinch at the noise. Didn't even spare me a glance. Yet my knees still grew weak at the sight of her.

"Look at me." I didn't mean to sound so demanding, I was just so used to it. So used to getting what I wanted. Rose was all I wanted now.

"You have no right to talk to me like that." She sprung to her feet, eyes finally meeting mine. They blazed with an untamed fire.

"Five years I thought you were dead." I wanted to yell, to scream. I held back for her. "For years I've been dying. Please Rose I just..." I took her hand. For a moment I felt at peace. Felt right. That is, until my wrist twisted the wrong way and a knife appeared at my neck.