i promise

THE SONGS

"She knows 
They don't know 
Buts she's an artist
Her drawings on her skin 
Not typical
But she's losing it

This song, this song 
Shows she's not broken,
Just fragmented
Alittle lost in her thoughts
But she'll find her way 
Find her way

Through the maze
If life
We have all gotten a little lost 
some just more than others
And others have fallen down 
broken in pieces
lost their way
And she's still fighting

This song, this song 
Shows she's not broken,
Just fragmented
Alittle lost in her thoughts
But she'll find her way 
Find her way

Find her way 
to the place where she's belongs
For once in her life 
She'll be accepted 
That's all she's ever wanted 
Kinda sad 
that nobody could see that 
Oh no
Nobody could see her

But
This song, this song 
Shows she's not broken,
Just fragmented
Alittle lost in her thoughts
But she'll find her way 
Find her way

This song, this song 
She's not broken 
No longer fragmented 
Or lost in her thoughts
She found her way 
Found her way"

Clearing my throat,I laughed. Looking at my dad, who clapped his hands at me as I turned back to my support group. I smiled widely but I didn't feel it. I felt so hollow out and empty. I could vaguely hear the people clapping and crying over the fact that the song was so beautiful,but all I could honestly hear was my voice singing. 
" yougot them all fooled
They think you have it all together
But you're falling faster than ever
They think you're so tough 
But boy its not true" 

Getting up, I grab my notebook and began writing the lyrics down. I scoffed as I heard the members of my support laughed and talked about how the song made them feel like they could get over what they were going through. 

The ride home was long and agonizingly boring, I continued writinflg the lyrics down.

" its not true 
You're falling apart 
Yes you are 
Though nobody can see it 
Yoursilentsymphony
You're screaming 
But noone seems to hear you"

"So...I really like your song" my dad started. I looked up from my book and looked at him.

"Thanks, it took me a while to write."

"I'm so glad, you're getting better"

"Yeah...dad me too." I muttered at him, while looking back at my book. I ran my hand through my ash brown hair. My dark blues eyes trained on the notebook.

" as the days go on
you continue to pretend
Trying to find a way out
But you can't
You'restill stuck going in circles
You just want to be set free
But you gotta keep thatstupidgrin

its not true 
You're falling apart 
Yes you are 
Though nobody can see it 
Your silent symphony
You're screaming 
But noone seems to hear you"

The car stopped short in front of our new house.we moved to a bigger house but with only two rooms. My room was further to the left. It was large like the size of a living room. It was painted in midnight blue, glow in the dark stars in a giant moon. The only good thing about this stupid house was that I got my own bathroom also painted midnight blue with stars. 
Going up to my room, I sighed. Changing into a plain tee shirt and sweatpants, I layed down. The songs they were so different from each other. When was what I wanted to be and one was what I was. The same rhythm but different meanings. Is this what I meant to be depressed, that we all danced to the same rhythm but the words were always different depending where we were. Sighing again. I sang.

“This song, this song 
Shows she's not broken,
Just fragmented
Alittle lost in her thoughts
But she'll find her way 
Find her way

its not true 
You're falling apart 
Yes you are 
Though nobody can see it 
Your silent symphony
You're screaming 
But noone seems to hear you"

"Fused and confused blended into one, abused." I thought about it and soon it was all I could think about.  I turned on my stomach and drifted to sleep. 

I was sitting on the couch, next to my boyfriend Louis. He was also my brother’s best friend, we were watching finding nemo and cuddling. His curly back hair was pulled back and neat. Dark brown eyes trained on the movie with a small smile. Tiny dimple on his left cheek. Damn he looked good. My ash brown hair was half way tied up and the half lose in light curls, my blue eyes also trained on the movie. As the film ended, he turned to me.

“Cass, I really need to talk to you about something important. “

“Sure, what about?”

“I think…we should break up.”

“Oh…but why?”

“You’re too depressed for me.”

With that, the dream shattered in a disarry of colors and voices. I sat in bed and sighed.

“too depressed, my ass. More like you were fucking some bitch behind my back.” I muttered softly.