Ineffable Husbands One Shots

Morning Porridge

Crowley burst into Anathema's cottage, tears streaming down his face.

"Oh God! Crowley! Are you alright?" she rushed over to him, highly concerned by the sobbing man.

"Aziraphale..." he croaked out and then sniffled loudly.

"Oh my God. Is he ok? Where is he, Crowley?" Anathema was in go-mode. She had her hand on Crowley's shoulder, in an attempt both to comfort him and get all the information she could out of him.

"H-h-he..." Anathema nodded to encourage Crowley to keep going, who was having a hard time getting the words out due to his crying. "He said-" Crowley was wracked with a new fit of sobs.

"C'mon, Crowley. What did Aziraphale say?" Crowley just shook his head. Anathema was still terrified, but was also starting to get impatient. "What did he say!?"

"That-" he took a staggering gasp. "That he'd give up his morning porridge so he could spoon me instead!" Crowley wailed and covered his face with his hands.

Anathema started at him with her mouth agape before, "Oh you BASTARD! YOU POSITIVELY ENAMOURED BUFFOON!"

Newt had been very focused on his reading, so focused that he didn't hear Crowley's sobbing, but Anathema's voice filled with rage brought him back to the real world. He hurried into the sitting room of the cottage and found a shaking Crowley crying into a pillow while Anathema screamed, "YOU HAD ME TERRIFIED! I THOUGHT- I THOUGHT-!"

"Um, dear, is it really necessary to yell? He seems distraught!" Newt went over to awkwardly rub Crowley's back.

"He almost gave me a heart attack! Coming in here weeping, and to find out it's over Aziraphale using a dumb pickup line-!"

For the second time that day an unearthly being burst through the cottage door. "Oh thank Heavens, there you are, Crowley dearest," Aziraphale rushed over to Crowley and took over from Newt's awkward back rubs. Crowley just continued to shake and whimper into his pillow with Aziraphale's arm over his shoulders. "Have I upset him?" Aziraphale asked quietly to the couple who was awkwardly staring at the angel and demon duo.

Anathema let out an extremely resigned sigh. "Well, not exactly. I just think he's overcome with love," however, she did not sound pleased with this fact.

"Oh, darling," Aziraphale stroked Crowley's hair gently, "I love you too," he whispered into Crowley's ear.

"Ngk," was all the demon responded with, the sound muffled by the pillow.

Newt coughed awkwardly. "Well I- uh. It's been nice seeing you two, but I was actually doing some rather important reading so uh... I'd better get back to that," he quickly pecked Anathema's cheek before going back into his study.

"Yes, I actually have things to do too, so can you please take your gay mess of a demon somewhere else, Aziraphale?" Anathema had her arms crossed over her chest. She still hadn't forgiven Crowley for scaring her like that.

"Oh, yes," Aziraphale blushed, realizing how himself and his panicked partner were being incredibly rude. "Terribly sorry, Anathema," he gave a nervous smile and a small chuckle. "C'mon, love, let's go," Aziraphale gently took the pillow out of Crowley's hands and set it down. The demon had stopped crying, but his face was still incredibly red.

Anathema watched as Aziraphale walked with Crowley to the door, his arm still over his shoulders.

"Aziraphale," she heard Crowley say quietly, "was that a joke or were you sincere? The spoon thing I mean..."

"Oh, I was being quite literal, dear," the angel's response reached Anathema's ears. She watched Crowley cover his face in his hands once more, while Aziraphale just laughed. Anathema smiled at her two infatuated friends, despite herself. 

~!~

Hi guys! I kinda wrote this as a joke but I also think it's pretty cute XD Anyway, what I actually wanted to say was that I know I have written hardly any one shots for this book, but I have been working more often on my longer Good Omens story "Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy." It's on my profile, and it'd be super cool if you checked it out! Thank you so much for reading, votes and comments make my day, and I hope to make yours with these little stories <3