feelings. ㅤ ( idol producer )

ten.

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ten.

ㅤ

ㅤin the afternoon the groups were going to continue rehearsing, but yixing was there already so i didn't have to meet jackson to monitor the performances. the other mentors had some classes to retouch the last details, but the choreography was already finished, so i didn't have to go to the practice rooms. according to the staff, cheng xiao and i had the afternoon off, unless we wanted to go and help them on our own.

ㅤafter lunch i stopped by to see how they were doing, but i didn't stay long as they were quite busy between classes with the other mentors and yixing. although i would have liked to help them a little more, i went back to my room and took the opportunity to call doyeon. she told me that the director of fantagio had asked her to ask me how i was doing. that made me quite happy. later, i called my parents because i hadn't done that for a long time and finally talked to my older brother.

ㅤwe had an age difference of four years, but we were quite close. he worked for a well-known company in china, but he wasn't famous like i was. if i looked up his name on the internet there wouldn't be many pictures either. he had always told me to talk about him as little as possible because he didn't want to be recognized. so i avoided uploading pictures on social networks or talking about him too much during interviews. very few people would relate him to me, apart from friends and acquaintances.

ㅤwhen i finished talking to  them, cheng xiao and i went out for the afternoon. there wasn't much to do, being honest. this time we went to the cinema and then took pictures around town. we also had a meal at a restaurant and came back before it was too late. besides that, we called jieqiong. i hadn't talked to her again, even though i really wanted to. whenever i remembered to call her, i had something urgent to do and i forgot.

ㅤjieqiong told us that she was looking forward to watching the next episode to see how well we worked together. we also talked about how she was doing and she told us that she was getting better. we spent quite a while talking to her until we had to say goodbye. it was almost eleven o'clock and cheng xiao told me that she was very tired, so i said goodbye to her too.

ㅤwe each went to our room and i took a shower. i was getting more and more nervous about the next day, since it was going to be the live evaluation. i didn't even want to imagine how the boys would feel. and as i was thinking about it, an idea came to my mind.

ㅤi took a quick shower and put on some comfortable clothes: black sweatpants and a grey hoodie. i dried my hair, leaving it straight and loose with some waves, and put on my glasses. i took my mobile phone and money and quickly went down the stairs.

ㅤi was looking for a staff member to ask him something. as soon as i found him, i asked him anxiously and he answered with a nod. i had gone to ask him if i could go to the boys' dorms at that time. the rooms were somewhat private so i didn't want to show up there without at least asking for permission.

ㅤafter that i went to the cafeteria and bought some snacks for the boys. i was going to end up broke after all.

ㅤi ran out of the building towards the boys' dorms. i had been there that morning so i knew my way around. this time no cameras were following me. i was partly relieved that i didn't have someone constantly filming me, but i had gotten used to it and it seemed strange.

ㅤi was just coming up the stairs as i prayed that the boys weren't rehearsing. however, i knew they were in the rooms when i got to the top and started hearing voices. it was different from how i had found it in the morning, totally peaceful.

ㅤa long corridor with rooms on its sides could be seen in front of me. it was already midnight, but the lights in the rooms were on with the doors open. some of them were closed and others with the lights off, so i assumed they were sleeping or not in the rooms.